Change.

I actually wrote the following Very Long blog post on 30th March 2009, 3:17am (so says the blogger saved time of the post). I never published it. I forgot why exactly.

Logging in to blog again, I suddenly realised it was there. Nearly 7 months later, here it is, totally unedited and in its true raw form as of 30th March 2009. I realised it applies to my circumstances once again, and its bound to happen again and again.

Might as well share..

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I believe for something more. That I am being prepared for something greater.

Otherwise, I wouldn't have to go through such 'testing'.

I just thought of this today, the reason why some people backslide, is that they are so used to being where they are, comfortable with being the same and staying there, unwilling to change their comfort zone outside of what they can control.

The minute something big or challenging comes, they don't want to face it. They will rather run, or avoid it. Or they say "I'm not ready to deal with this at the moment!"

The truth is, no matter where you are, you can't avoid it. And you will never have a 'ready' time.

What do I mean? You can change your cell group, zone, church, country, even whole RELIGION, but it is never about WHERE you are. It is really about YOU. The same thing will arise again, not because of other people or the circumstances, but because it is something that lies within your ownself.

You have to realise it will NEVER be gone until you face up to the issue at hand. Maybe its pressure from leaders to rise up? Maybe its to give up some of your free time to do more in ministry? Maybe its to give more of your finances to building fund/offering/something that God has called you to? Maybe its to rebalance your ministry and family time?

Let me say it again; you can change your environment, but you can't change the issue. Get it?

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Remembering how my walk with God just a while back (just a few months ago) was akin to me standing on the edge of a cliff. Behind me was my old life, everything I knew and was comfortable with. In front of me was the valley, so deep that I couldn't see the bottom, and definitely knew it was dangerous. That was my future, with all my dreams and visions.

This was the choice I was presented with: whichever path I chose, there is No Turning Back from that choice. If I go back to what I was comfortable with, I will never see that future come to pass ever again. If I go forward to achieve my dreams and visions, it is literally Succeed or Get Destroyed Trying.

The dreams and visions God has prepared for me are beyond what I can imagine, and I know that I cannot remain the same. This life I have, if I am not living to fulfil His purpose, then what is the point?

I jumped right forward with faith that God would provide, and have already experienced so much, sometimes it makes me want to crawl into a corner and just not move. The parts that determine to wear me down until I am destroyed and don't achieve my dreams are aplenty. There is no time to breathe before thing after thing is shoved at me. I know that all of these play a part in my long-term success, but the pain is real, especially with the unexpected (or even expected) side effects and by-products. The good, the bad, the ugly, and the totally random, everything is suddenly a whirlwind to me more so now than it has ever been before this 'chapter'.

I'm not ready to give up yet, because I know the moment I give up, its really Game Over.

There is no 'save' button for this. No 'pause' button, and no 'escape' button.

But! There is the 'F1' button!