I want to chill

I was at Lunar on Wednesday night, technically to work (attending the Y2J mini-concert). But took the opportunity to chill with my drink, when I got bored. I want to just chill..sit back and not think, to drink and chitchat with friends...but that's not the theme of the day for me this week, I guess..

Then I forgot Wednesday = Ladies night, and right after the Y2J set was done, all the skimpily dressed and shiny sequined bartop pole dancers took over the stage. o.O

I have to say though, that was the most entertaining part of my day. HAHA!

--

Been crashing SOT for the past couple of days, for the book of Romans teaching. We learnt the history and context of which Paul wrote the book of Romans, and went indepth verse by verse into chapter one and two so far. (and somemore things Pst talked about which I won't elaborate here)

Obviously, EXCELLENT sessions. :D

--

I guess that's just something I have to accept, and 'immune' myself against.

Graduated from SOT

I'm finally graduated from the School of Theology.

To use the word 'finally' is odd in itself. Because right now, it feels like I've only just begun, rather than ended something.

It's akin to an egg maturing to finally hatching. While the egg 'finally' hatches, yet hatching is really the beginning of the 'real' action.

We're all matured and hatched, ready to take on the 'real' world. Not that the 5 months of SOT weren't real enough. So many of us were barely standing in the last few weeks, from exhaustion throughout due to balancing schoolwork, job requirements, social obligations, and other things. Our emotions, I'm sure, everyone was whacked some way or another.

Myself, I wanted to give up sometimes. I did wonder, was it worth it? Yet, I would remind myself, if I give in now, how am I going to fulfil the dreams and visions God placed in me?

Even before SOT, I already had a slew of problems to overcome, ranging from the family-related to financial. But God provides indeed. Every month, I practically had to keep changing jobs so that I could earn just that little bit more. I'm still in need of a new part time job now, to clear off some unexpected debts. I'm prepared to fight this fight for the financial freedom for a longer time, as long as is needed to be 'free'. But I guess you could say, I made myself a willing party of this. Because I know, that no matter what problems occurred, none of them will be too big for me to eventually solve. Because GOD has prepared the solution. If He put me to it, He'll see me through it. And it's been proven time and again, month after month, all this time.

My cell group leader always tells me *this* and I'll always remember..I'm just grateful for my cell group and leader's support in all this time! Ivan and Sarina and N342 are the most incredible.

I'm thankful for my team 21, the history-making team, being the first MJ Zone team in SOT! MJ is proud of us, and I hope we can make him proud too! MJ Zone!!

To all my members in team 21, and to ALL the friends I've made in SOT, in some way or another, EVERYONE has really made a difference in my life. I really wouldn't have it any other way. The awesome testimonies of faith, that sometimes make my problems looks so small in comparison, the wonderful personalities and characters I've been privileged to meet, the longsuffering kindness and guidance of all our lecturers and staff of bible school..it's been Amazing.

What else have I learnt in SOT? I was able to experience and expand myself more in ministry! Firstly, I was majorly involved in the Mother's Day production. Half the time, I had to call in absent for my part time job (it's up to me when I want to go in) because everyone else was not able to take leave from theirs to go down to Salvation Army and other related places to settle all the needed sets and etc. Thank God for His grace, and providing the wonderful SOT volunteers at late notice to help as crew.

I got to experience choir! That was really fun. I'll miss that alot. I'll miss the friends I've made even more! T_T Choir helped me to be more dressy. Haha..no more black black black black black all the time..Great excuse to go shopping too.. *cough*

Both SOT and choir helped to push me to take care of putting makeup on my face. Now I can't go out without putting any, it's become an ingrained habit. -_-;;

I've become much more diligent in my bible reading, and assignment-doing. Haha! Also all the 11 exams..oh my..study study study I did..

I also can't forget the very strong encouragement from Pastor to all the singles to get attached. Haha! Of course he says that in the capacity that majority of the SOT students are mature enough and etc to be in a relationship or at least start dating. I have to say that many of the MJ Zone brudders heeded the call..many 'on the way' soon..as for the sisters, it's not so happening for us..oh well..God is faithful, it's more urgent for the guys as they're getting older and such anyway.

Another exciting highlight was the mission trips! I went to JB with a small group, and it was wonderful. Then I went to Kota Kinabalu with 50 people, and experienced the warmest hospitality and love from the m'sian believers. Glory Christian Centre is really going to be something. I LOVE KK, it's an awesome place to go, I want to return for a holiday (and to visit the church and my new found friends of course!). KK food is yum too. Hehe.

Ok, I didn't just go on mission trips to eat. I went to serve! In KK, I was doing most of the backstage logistics for the drama our team acted in. Have to say that team 21 can win acting awards! A GREAT show of great impact, and glory to God! Loved every moment of the mission trip.

Finally, there was the wonderfully awesome graduation night and service days. On our graduation dinner night, we saw fireworks! Beautiful fireworks, and of course even better is being surrounded by the best bunch of schoolmates for that whole night. Had an interesting mass dance thing before that, watched several super humorous performance items, took a lot of photos, and just felt so blessed to be in such a fun celebration. Nowhere else I'd rather be on a Friday night. :)

The next day was the graduation service. In fact, this is the first time I've attended my graduation. I didn't go to my polytechnic graduation (though my photos in the graduation gown are officially splashed across several newspapers and websites..) because I didn't want to miss lessons. Took more photos, and felt so awed by the experience of graduating.

SOT is truly the best experience of my life.

And like what every graduate says..You've GOT TO GO SOT!! :)

I've been inspired to do much more, to fulfil the destiny I have in Christ, to do the many things I need or am called to do. I kind of figured out I can call them my '5 S':

Studies: I want to be a good student, in my new school. I want to study super hard, and be such a role model to my fellow classmates, and that even in my area of studies I can impact others positively. God, help me to be diligent in my academic areas and to be a good helper to others who seek my help in this course. Let me be an 'exemplary student'!

Social: I want to be more Sensitive to others' needs, that I will not always be saying the wrong words or doing the wrong things to unintenionally offend. God, help me to be more Sensitive to others! I also want to be Smilier, to attract others to be my friends! God, let me be more cheery all the time! Because I think it's still not enough, I want to be on default smiling in the face of anything that comes my way.

Self-improvement: I want to learn the things and skils that I've always wanted. There's guitar, and there's driving. I need to get myself to do the necessary action in learning and completing them! God, help me have the necessary discipline and ability to conquer these areas, so that I can be well-equipped for the future work in my life! I also want to look Sharper, going from glory to glory in my dressing and appearance! Though I think I've been doing a good job thus far, there's always room to improve and go to a new level. :))) (It's not just an excuse to do more shopping..*cough cough*)

Savvy: I want to read more! I have a small pile of books that I have yet to complete. I also need to be in-tune with the current news and current TV shows, movies, etc, being in this field of Mass Communications. How to be successful in a field when you are not knowledgable about it at all? I have libraries and Borders at my disposal too, for when I'm done with the pile of books. Now that I don't need to 'chiong' bible or any reading materials for SOT, I'm free to 'chiong' other books of my choice. God, help me pick good books and material to enrich my life, and let me be knowledgable in my area, that I will never be caught in a situation where I'm 'suaku'.

Successful: This kind of covers almost everything not mentioned. I want to be successful, being able to balance family, ministry, school, job, etc well! God, help me in having the right balance in all areas of my life. I want to be someone whom others will look up to and say, "I want to be as successful as she is, being able to do well in every area of her life!'. I believe that this is possible, by God's supernatural help plus my effort. God honours the faithful.

Let's GO! I'm ready for the next phase of this adventure! Coming up, Asia Conference, and Christmas Production! What other surprises has God in store for me this rest of the year? :) So exciting~

Back from KK

Back from Kota Kinabalu mission trip! Will blog more about the trip when I have more photos from everyone, and more time. Ahaha. Will upload to Facebook or something also, they look so small here.

Basically we helped the church, Glory Christian Centre, with a mini-Emerge event. My team was in charge of putting up a drama, while the other team took the telematch in the morning. I'm so impressed by my members, nearly all of them have never acted or even touched a stage in their lives before this. And yet, they put up a tear-jerking performance within a few days of practice only! Really God's anointing and grace with us!

Our hosts were wonderful! I want to go back to KK to enjoy!! Ahhhh! So beautiful and lovely!

Reality..I have a lot of assignments to clear back here now..@_@

Seasons

Writing this as I eat my breakfast..

Haven't slept since yesterday, not even for 5 minutes. Was chionging the group project for SOT until 5am..then surfed a while so I wouldn't fall asleep..I already know what happens when I decide to go sleep 'just for half an hour'..half the time I regret it..so..

AWAKEN MY SOULLLLL right now..sigh......

Really thank Charmaine for coming up with such a great outline..if not, think our team would really be very far behind..

Thank God for internet resources too..

Ok, this is another specs wearing day, got to be kind to my eyes..hope to 'break the chain' tomorrow.

Still have way loads of things to settle..KK trip with its +++ worth of things already..whoosh..

Ok, got to go SOT early, my team's week to do PA duty. I'll be back to write, hopefully with a very good report..yessss..

I was so tempted to give up really, in the midst of despair..but suddenly this thought came to my mind..if I let myself be struck down now, how am I going to achieve all those dreams and visions God placed in me? And His promises..so close to claiming them with each passing day..

Struck down but not destroyed..

And then I remember what Charmaine always likes to say, about "perserverance builds character" etc..suddenly it really seems so applicable..hmm..

Visions

I got such a lot of visions this week as we exercised prophesying over ourselves..every session that Pastor asked us to pray, I'd get a new one..

1. I saw a field, of green grass, a wide expanse. In front, nearby, was a beautiful red farmhouse. In the far distance, I saw a dark mass of clouds, like a thunderstorm, with lightning flashing dangerously. But it was in the distance.

I felt that God was saying, I am that house, your refuge and shelter from the thunderstorms in your life. Why do you keep on looking at the thunderstorms, instead of seeking shelter in Me? In fact, I am closer to you than you realised. Right in front of you.

Why do we stand outside and stare at the problems in our lives, when we have the safety of God to enter into?

2. I saw an island, in the middle of a vast ocean. I saw the shore, obviously seperated from the island by the great amount of water. Then, as I wondered how I could possibly cross from the island to the shore, suddenly, the waters supernaturally subsided, and revealed that the island and the shore were all one piece of land, and I could easily cross over now.

I felt that God was saying, even when we are stuck like on the island with all our problems, wondering how to find a way out, God will begin to reveal miraculous things to us that we never realised before, in ways that we never expected. That we will discover things that were once hidden from us by God. So..don't worry.

3. I saw a huge tall waterfall, which flowed down into a serene river. Note, the river was serene, calm, glistening, like any other nice calm river or lake. It didn't seem like a waterfall had just gushed into it.

I felt that God was saying, even when the heaviness of our problems fall down, and we have overwhelming burdens that gush down, He'll lead us into a place of calm, quiet, peace. All of the troubles that we go through, they will all lead to peace. And it's only God's peace that could guarantee something like that.

He'll lead us to a place of peace and rest when we're struggling through all those troubles..


Seems the common theme here is..when you're going through troubles, God will take care of you, He's got a plan. Thank you God..

Personally, it's a struggle for me in many areas..I'm holding on tightly to the promises He's given.

Last 5 or 6 weeks to go

Having good relationship with your boss is very important. :) My boss gave me a raise though I'm leaving soon. LOL! And she bought mini-doughnuts for me yesterday on the way back to office. Haha.. She wants me to stay on if I can. But I know by end-August, I need to move with the new direction..

--

It's not easy, with this last lap of 5 or 6 weeks of SOT to go..the higher up the mountain you go, the thinner the air. I'm trying my best to overcome..battles that occur here and there..

Then there are the other major decisions and transition periods to come..well, God said, He'll tell me what to do when it's time to know what to do.

His promises truly do come to pass..I'm just waiting to see what's in store.

--

Shading an average of 100 MCQ these past two days have left my hand feeling rather pain until now even..bah..

I want to watch movie..I want to eat Carl's Junior..I want a lot of things lah..

All need money and time. -_-

Season of New

I'm squeaky clean, after Pastor Mike Connell's week of deliverance and healing ministry with us. Yay!

I really should update my blog more diligently, seems to be so many things to write about nearly every day..

Anyway, firstly: Which smart bugger in my family configured a password on my laptop's internet?! And never ask me, nor inform me at least what's the password..which is why I'm writing this so late..

Thank God, I'm always prepared with backups! Thumbdrives and CPU to the rescue! Can save my assignment 4! Though I try not to use my CPU late at night since it's in my bedroom and the light will disturb my twin sister.. >.<

But..where are my earphones, and my handphone cable?? I'm the only Sony Ericsson user in the house..

GADGETS, stop PMS-ing at me!!!

--

Went for choir practice today (tuesday). Greatly enjoyed, mostly because of the thick presence during worship. I just knelt down and started crying quite hard..never mind if I was the only one like that..God really gave an outpouring of His love on me..seems as if I always manage to hear from God during choir practice. Feel ULTRA blessed by that encounter. :) I'm reminded, that His promises Always come to pass..

Fasting really helps in building up the spirit..

--

Finally collected my (dusty) diploma cert from school, and immediately applied to study at Murdoch University locally via SMa. At least I don't need to fly to Aussie to get my degree~ And I'll grad faster than local Uni students because of advanced standing..muahaha..Dec 2009 anyone? :D

The best part is..SMa is at BUGIS! <3 Too many reasons to love the location, ie if rehearsals happen to be in the area..:)))

+shopping +food +central to everywhere and everything +cathay cineplex around the corner +can find my friends at SMU +straight bus +++

Of course, I'll have to study hard..since I'm plunging into it at advanced standing, I won't have time to slowly relearn all the basics..discipline!!

And of course have to do well or my mother will whack me how to shine as salt and light if you don't do well eh?

Oh yah, I start September 1st. Merely less than a week break after SOT ends. @_@ Study study study. Goodness.

--

I'm truly BLESSED. :)

This is truly the season of new for me now..What's next, God? :D

It's tough, but I'm enjoying! Tears+Joy = eventually joyful tears. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

..I should cut down on the bubble tea. :DD

An early morning msn conversation

An early morning msn conversation..

CANDICE® ❤ °° I KNOW YOU WILL SHINE YOUR LIGHT... °° says:
what time u leaving house
[Rubez] [2/10 down] inspired to step out and step it up says:
8-8.30 bah..if i wanna reach 10..if nt i can tuo
[Rubez] [2/10 down] inspired to step out and step it up says:
wat time u reaching?
CANDICE® ❤ °° I KNOW YOU WILL SHINE YOUR LIGHT... °° says:
10 loh
[Rubez] [3/10 down] inspired to step out and step it up says:
kopi?
CANDICE® ❤ °° I KNOW YOU WILL SHINE YOUR LIGHT... °° says:
yeah
CANDICE® ❤ °° I KNOW YOU WILL SHINE YOUR LIGHT... °° says:
hahaha
CANDICE® ❤ °° I KNOW YOU WILL SHINE YOUR LIGHT... °° says:
kopi
CANDICE® ❤ °° I KNOW YOU WILL SHINE YOUR LIGHT... °° says:
sounds like some uncle always go coffee shop
[Rubez] [3/10 down] inspired to step out and step it up says:
HAHA
[Rubez] [3/10 down] inspired to step out and step it up says:
we are all old

LOL..early in the morning at 7am..I just finished my sermon (prosperity), chionged from 4.30am to 7am. Frankly, don't really feel very good since yesterday. Exhaustion.. Yesterday (tuesday) when I went to work, I was so unfocused, I couldn't even photocopy properly. Quite obvious I was 'gone'. Told my manager I wanted to take leave for the rest of this week..although I need the money but I don't want to KO.

Glad that I went for choir practice, it was great. ^^ Quite fortunate that I have opportunity to know so many nice and awesome people in choir. Wilma and Michelle are amazing amazing amazing. All the things that we need to do for choir showcase, they are just WOW at getting it done. If I could, I'd so 'kope' them over to DM anytime to be backstage crew..keke..join the (literally) dark side..

I just realised seems like a lot of choir people could do well backstage. Very detailed people, sharp and on the ball, yet calm~ Just like..JOYYY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOY! <33333 May you be blessed many many much much alot! Haha, you from choir went to moonlight backstage, I'm the other way around, from backstage run to choir..lolz..

YAY I LOVE JOY! <3 Super power woman!

Housewarming (and the like)

OH HALLELUJAH~

By some miracle, I have just managed to finish my outline for tomorrow's sermon topic (Healing). I haven't rehearsed, will do that tomorrow morning..no choice, for some strange reason, these days as I try to stay up, my eyes turn red and begin to sting. Never happened to me before, even when I had to chiong for productions any time in my life..or even when I chionged overnight until 6am to finish projects last time..hmm..getting old??

--

Last Saturday, when I went for my cousin's housewarming, I realised EVERYONE was there with their boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife..except me. It was like having a big target sign on my head. Couldn't 'siam' some of the inevitable.. :/

John (cousin): So any guys you noticed?
Me: Doesn't matter even if I see any guys that I think are not bad..no use.. sg guys are so non-proactive..
John: Then you take the first step lah! We're living in a modern society now! *passionate speech*
Me: -_- Right..

plus

-When taking photos-
John: Haha Rubez, cannot come into the picture..couples only~
Me: -_-ll
John: JUST KIDDING LAH T_T

then

John's gf: Next year your turn to bring~ :D
Me: Wow, can predict my future already ah? Lol..

LOL, just wanted to post that so I can remember how my cousin bullied me. Then I can tell all his kids next time..Muahaha.. ^_~

Sorry, think I'm too high from not enough sleep..always happens..:DD

The Stadium Vision

On Friday, after we had finished with lesson 10 on Homiletics, Pastor Tan suddenly asked us to pray. I did, with no idea of what was about to happen to me.

God sent me a vision so strong, it burns in my mind, every single detail. It was a vision so real, I knew that I wasn't just imagining something.

He showed me a stadium, and I was in it. There were many, many tiers in the stadium, and I was at the very top. A soccer field was at the very bottom. At this top tier where I was, in front of me was a man. I couldn't determine what nationality he was, except maybe Indian or Middle Eastern, or even Russian for all you know. He wasn't really talking or directing any specific attention to me, but he was really 'rah rah' and gesturing intensely at the field with punched fists in the air and flailing of arms.

I told God, You can't just show me this, there must be more, I need to know more, more details. By this time I was already crying as I prayed.

Then, I was suddenly transported to the bottom, onto the very centre of the field. I looked up at the stadium, and I could still make out the figure of the man at the top with his actions. There were no spectators or audience, but there were cleaners, and every few rows or so, a single person walked, just like an usher. I had no idea if they were stadium ushers, event ushers, church ushers, or what.

I could see everything so clearly, even the face of the cleaner nearest to me. He wore a bright yellow shirt as his uniform.

Right after receiving that vision, and the prayer time was ended, I immediately turned to Charmaine, my team member, and told her about it. What she said in response blew me away.

"Just now, when we were praying, God gave me a Word. He told me, 'Rubez will be a great woman of God'. I looked over to you, but you were crying."

I was just stunned. It meant this wasn't just some rubbish my mind conjured randomly, but this was the REAL deal. For it to be confirmed by Charmaine is even more amazing, because she is not just any ordinary member, but she is the Pastor of Revival Nation Church. You couldn't get it any better than this.

I have no idea if that man at the top was a devil, angel, pastor, member, or what. I don't know if this was a church event or secular. I have no idea if this is a stadium in Singapore, overseas, or yet to exist. All I know, is that I have this feeling in me, God wants to send me to this stadium to serve, as for what I'll be serving as, I have no clue either.

I have no further impression that God wants to give me, instead He told me that it was enough for now, besides, I had asked Him for answers to other questions He would address first.

Can you feel the mountains tremble? :D

Breathe

Boo, not going to Kuching..but I still got my other mission trips coming up, so let's look forward to that..

That reminds me, my luggage bag is still under stage, yet to be retrieved. It got pushed all the way to the back by the Costume Ministry, I think. :/ Have to go hunt it out before I go on any trip.

Thank God the exams are postponed to next week. Got a little space to breathe.

Finished the assignment for "Good Morning, Holy Spirit" before I met up my cell group for dinner. :) That book made me think a lot. Well got to chiong the third book and studying for exams now..

--

Sometimes, I feel inferior too. But remember:

God loves you. No matter what. Just the way you are.

Life is tough. But I'm still happy..

Like a photo

When I woke up this morning, I had this unbelievably strong urge to check my email. So I did, and I've never been so excited to receive an email in my life! Guess who emailed me yesterday!

TSUCHIYA-SAN!!

Tsuchiya-san was one of my colleagues from Japan Green Clinic, where I was working prior to SOT. His family and wife are back in Japan, and his wife was going to give birth in May.

And congratulations! His wife has given birth to their beautiful baby boy! The picture he sent of his son is SO CUTE.

But what really touched me is what he wrote in his email about his experience visiting his family and new baby boy back in Japan. His english is not very good, but the words he used are really powerful. Especially the part about the last day of his trip.

DIRECT COPY+PASTED:

I was in Japan last day. when I got up they were still sleeping
I was watching them long time.
then I burned their face in my memory. it like a photo

I really felt the outpouring of pure love in the email as I read. Wow.

I can't wait for a chance to go and visit my Japan Green Clinic colleagues, and maybe see Tsuchiya-san's baby boy when his family comes here in September!

--

So many people went on mission trips over the weekend, one of them being my teammate Jingming. He went to Indo with just one other student, a cell group leader! Woah! Two man team!

Seeing all the people going on mission trips and making an impact, being a blessing..I can't wait for my turn too!!

Kuching, Kuching..I hope I'm confirmed for Kuching trip, I'm really itching to go mission trip soon!

The assignment workload in SOT is really heavy (I think I've been mentioning this alot). Got exams this week! I've been trying my best to study today. Tomorrow is busy busy, got the leaders meeting that all the SOT people are supposed to go, and before that, lessons in the morning and work in the afternoon.

--

Anyway, if all goes well, I should be back on track soon on improving my guitar skills again. Procrastinated too much since last time. Sigh. Going to learn from Alan Chen. Thankfully he doesn't live too far from me.

I'm very happy that Yanming is really being committed to coming to church and bible study. She asked me if Attributes sold bibles, so that she can get one next week. :) And she'll be attending bible study really soon, either mass class, or most probably 1-on-1 from Alan or me. Breakthrough for me, to have a chance to teach bible study.

Hmm..many more thoughts on my mind but I'll just focus on the things ahead for this week, leave the rest to God and the answers will come when they come.

Passion

Haven't blogged for a while, its not for lack of things to blog about, more like my life suddenly got flooded with events. X_X

Well, firstly, as a lot of people would have noticed, last Wednesday's Straits Times has my photo on the FRONT page. Not by myself, but with my twin sis and a whole bunch of other twins that are also graduating from SP. I'm immensely surprised that they put this on the cover page, but oh well. :D Cheap thrill in life, ahaha. Can tell people that you've been on the cover of the newspaper. For doing nothing!

Ok ok, jokes aside, I'm really privileged to have this honour. It made me think about how, by something that I just happen to have (being born a twin), God is able to use me to glorify Him. Suddenly it's a great talking point and ice-breaker wherever I go. Like Kexin told her boss when she introduced me today, how I'm 'that girl' who appeared on the cover of the newspaper last week. Er heh heh.

Really, if God can use something as basic and simple as this, what great plans does He have for the talents and gifts He has placed in me? It makes me just in awe to think. :) Exciting, ain't it.

--

I just recovered from two weeks of fever, sore throat and cough. It came during the week I had to go for Mock CG evaluation! So just DO IT! And thankfully I didn't KO and collapse somewhere in a shivering heap, made it through each day and got some good comments.

I just chionged almost 100 pages of the book for assignment. 400+ to go. I got delayed in my reading, having to take care of so many things. Sigh. Just when I'm recovered, my sister falls sick. And my teammates too. Virus, begone!!!!!

--

Recently, there's been alot of thought on my mind about ministry. My cgl got me to share about what keeps me going in the ministry, that breaking point and the defining moments.

Well, in Drama Ministry, it really is a passion. I love God, I love Drama, so marry the two and hey presto! How I even got into DM is another long story. Anyway, that's another story for another day.

When I tell people I'm in Drama Ministry, the first thing they ask me is "What have you acted in?" Then when I tell them I'm in the Backstage crew, they don't know how to react. People usually don't even realise or know that backstage crew exist! It doesn't really bother me, because backstage crew are supposed to be invisible. But sometimes, when you feel so tired serving, negative thoughts might come. Serving so hard in the back, yet no one recognises the hard work, let alone know of your existence. It can be mind-grinding and demoralising at times.

Backstage crew really serve hard; first to reach (always at least one hour before the actors arrive, so we can set up the stage, clean the stage of dangerous objects etc), and last to go home (got to pack up, preset for the next day's show, clean and clear the stage, etc). We dress black from head to toes (a single bit of white or colour, and we have to cover that up with black tape ;) ), got to do a lot of physical hard work, we can't join our cell groups, we can't watch the very performance that we are working so hard to support, and all the glory goes to..

Nah, not the actors. :) To God, always. The difficult times are when I feel so tired, and drained. I miss my cell group, always can't go for cg and can't even see them during services due to rehearsal and shows, can't fellowship either cos I need to help settle the backstage stuff. So what's the defining moment?

When Pastor gives that altar call, and I see all the hundreds, no, thousands, of people that flood the aisles.

When you know that all that sweat, blood, tears, crying out to God for more strength, all the time you spent, all the sleep you lost, all the sacrifices you made..it all comes down to that. The fruit. And I'm always so amazed, how the backstage crew can minister to the people, in our own way, without even being seen! :)

And..contrast that now with what I'm doing: Serving in SOT Choir, and also the main service choir as part of SOT practicuum. ^^ It's totally opposite! From the backstage, where I'm supposed to be invisible and unseen, now I'm thrust to the front stage, where I'm supposed to be vibrant and noticed. Haha! Truthfully, I love it. It's an incredible experience for me. I'll be a bit sad when SOT ends and I won't be in choir anymore. :( Unless..I go and join the main choir ministry? (I think I can hear my DM 'si fu' screaming in protest..bleargh :P) Hehe..I'll leave that to after SOT to decide. Anyway, no production for a while until Christmas, so I'd be rather free ministry-wise. The 'sabbath' period for the DM, before it's the mad power rush again. Whoot.

I'm very blessed to have the best of both worlds. :)

Haha, I must share this too: I had a lot of difficulty deciding which ministry to join last time, because I felt a strong desire in 3 ministries, all of which I really liked. Drama, TV, and Choir. I really prayed really hard about it, for a very long time, and felt so torn inside having to decide on just one. Somehow, I didn't feel compelled to make just one final decision, but it really felt that in some way, I would be able to do all 3. Just had this strong feeling in me, although logically, it'd be impossible. I trusted in God's perfect timing and guidance IMMENSELY. And a chain of crazy incidences later, by strange circumstances, I found myself in Drama Ministry.

And just when I thought Drama Ministry was all I'd be doing, and maybe join TV as a weekly ministry during the DM 'sabbath' period, I found myself an opportunity to serve Choir! I had actually foregone Choir in my mind, with the logical mindset thinking that it'd be impossible with my other plans.

What are the odds?? It's only possible through God's supernatural arrangement! I already know deep in me that the time for me to serve TV will come when it comes, sooner or later. :)

So tired and exhausted at times, but I'm happy. Somehow things will work out..it always does.

Preparing

SOT is tough, but as Rina says, she wouldn't expect any less. Haha.

I just finished a draft for my Word, that I'll be tested next week for our mock cell group evaluation. Very tiring, having to wake up to go for prayer meeting at expo at 7am, then cell group, then pounding away at the keyboard (and brain) for assignments to be finished.

I don't even want to begin to think about all the other assignments until tomorrow. X_X

Whoot, just timed my Word, think I can trim a little of it, yay, means it's more or less there. :D

And then there goes another of those "I SAW YOU WITH A GUY FEW WEEKS AGO AT BUGIS!!" conversations, and I can only reply, "...I didn't go to Bugis. That would be my sister." -_- Sorry folks, no scandals for you for the moment.

Ok, now I'm just frying my brain on msn on facebook..relax time since tomorrow is a public holiday..

Blessed

First things first, my dad is doing ok now, pretty much moving around as usual, so hope it'll keep improving or at least maintain. Thank God.

Besides SOT, I've been working as a telemarketeer in NGO for a few weeks now. I feel really blessed by my colleagues, whom even though they only knew me for a while, yet they are really encouraging and kind to me. Some of them are past SOT graduates who understand what it's like for me now. And there are also other current SOT students working hard in the office in various responsibilities. Been really blessed by God here too.

How important the environment and people are to a person's sense of well-being.

There Must be something MORE..

In the meantime of figuring it out, I'm working hard and holding on. May is drawing nearer, and then certain matters have to be settled. God brought me to it, He'll bring me through it. So long as I've done to the best of my ability for my part.

SOT week 3 was just ups and downs for me. But it was great to be able to come together for a prayer focus with a few of my teammates on Friday.

An encouraging word really does wonders.

SOT- Week 2: Sacrifice truly is in continuous tense

This week has been way, way more trying than last week.

The Devil loves to send my family members to hospital. Note plural form.

Aunt is still in ICU since Monday. Then Dad went emergency late last night, now he's at home. I'm skipping out on Mrs Cho's once in a lifetime meeting to stay at home and look after him. He can't leave his bed.

I skipped out on my friend's birthday celebration today.

I passed over a GOLDEN chance to work under a certain top Singaporean director as a production assistant on his latest movie, because I thought I wanted to go for Mrs Cho's meeting. Now, I see it's a good thing I didn't take up that job, because I need to stay home and look after my Dad. But it doesn't hurt any less, that my DREAM JOB just waved bye-bye and went away from me. It's like someone handed me a gift in my hands, and I just dropped it. I'm still in static shock over it.

My leader was disappointed I didn't take it up (as were a few others who I told), but then again, reasons for difficult decisions sometimes don't present themselves until later.

Sacrifice is truly in continuous tense.

As Bobby would say, "GOOD FOR YOU! :D" if you're going through trials and tribulations. There's overcoming to be done here. Breaking through.

When you think you've given it all, sacrificed your every last bit, something always seems to come along and stab you deeper in the flesh, beyond yourself. And even after that, Beyond beyond yourself.

I want to sing
Until I am lost in Your love
Till I'm found in Your presence
Worshipping before Your throne

Moved by Your Spirit
Entering into Your flow
How precious this moment
Lord I want You to know

SOT - First week

SOT has been a blast. From the first day, Orientation was power-packed. We ran around the whole of Singapore, playing Human Monopoly. Our team, Team 21, won third prize. Tee hee hee.

I love my team 21. Most of the team are made up of members from my zone, most of whom I already know. We have some international students with us too, and they're awesome.

So much has happened, I can't quite describe it really. You've really got to be there and EXPERIENCE it for yourself to know what it's all about. That's what SOT is like. Life-changing, utterly wonderful and awesome, yet trying, tiring, straining, struggling like never before. Because when you're trying to do something big, the obstacles are big too.

Powerful it is; imagine 2 hour long praise and worship, with laying of hands, early in the morning before we even get to our lessons.

The struggles..God sees, God knows. I sacrificed a lot, fought hard just to get to go to SOT. I sacrificed, till every ounce of me is truly in His hands. Right now, everyday is still 'one day at a time', because I have no idea of what's going to happen. But I know that tomorrow is going to be a better day always, a good day, and no matter what, if God brought me to it, He'll bring me through it.

You spoke, I follow, and You'll provide. FAITH.

The 'zzz' monster is stalking me everywhere. Got to defeat it!