Rounding off 2008

I actually wrote a very long post, then........

I accidentally pulled out the wire for the laptop.

No draft saved.

T________________________T

Anyway! Moving on..let's have a quick summary of what I actually wanted to write..

Thanking God for 2008!

I thank God for my family. Though they may not always support me, and sometimes persecute, scold, threaten, etc., cos of me being the only Christian..I still love them, and thank God for protection. The devil loves to attack them when he can't attack me directly..

I thank God for my friends. Each person really is a wonderful colour in my life. Thank you for being a part of my 2008! :)

I thank God for my ministries. I'm blessed to enjoy Drama, and being encouraged when I'm inside. Also now I get to enjoy Choir, and its another amazing area.

I thank God for SOT! Is there anything I can say about it that I haven't said before? Life-changing and its a moulding process inside..incredible!

I thank God I can enjoy City News, experience Parade of Nations, etc..when "once in a lifetime" knocks at your door, you better open and receive it! Too many regrets from not trying, now this year, I'm glad to have tried and enjoyed! Seize the golden opportunity while its there!!

I thank God for preservation of my whole self. No one actually knows my whole situation, and I don't really share much..I don't have anything to 'hide', its finding the right person/people tcan be very difficult..Sometimes, God knows is enough. And He will send me the right people in my life to give me timely advice when I need at crucial times.

Thank You God, You gave me so many opportunities this year. Two years ago, I've been holding on to the promise that 2008 was my year..and indeed, it's been an extreme ride...lots of challenges, lots of breakthroughs, lots of hard work..and again and again, Your grace is sufficient for me..

Oh yes, thank God for job and school that comes at the right timing, and can fit my very strange schedule! Lots more to thank God for, but...think I need to write a book, if I keep going on and on...

So, here's to a Wonderful year in 2008 that God gave me! And now, let's get ready for a SUPERB 2009 with God!

I already started feeling the tingles in my tummy and my toes, about some of the paths to venture forth on concerning my new direction for 2009..been stirring in me~ whoots!

Only Time and God will tell, yah? :)

2009, are you ready?!

Happy 21st Birthday Candice!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CANDICE!

To someone who has been there for me throughout all these years, been ever so patient, a true representation of sisterly love to another, a great friend..when I don't know what to do, you just listen, when I need encouragement, you're always ready to tell me 'jiayou'!

I can't even begin saying how much I love CANDICE!!! <33

I thank God that He placed YOU in my life, and I'm glad to be your good friend too! :)

I pray that you get to fulfill God's calling in your life even more, and that as you sacrifice to seek His face more and more, you will not lose out, but instead, have all abundance added unto you.

Even as you try to figure your direction out more clearly, to find out what to do, what you need to have/not have, I hope you are greatly blessed with clarity and wisdom in mind.

And I'm going out of the house to meet you in a few hours time. ;)

Talk and Thoughts

I may talk a lot, but I don't talk a lot, if you get my meaning.

Christmas 2008

If you're looking for Christmas photos....

I don't have any. ^^;; Was too busy backstage to take any (except for ONE with Weishan aka "dong bian!" king, cos he took with every person).

Christmas Drama was alright, now I finally had today to catch up on one month of no sleep.

Now my figure is "dee-e-li-i-ciouss!" (or I wish, haha) after losing tons of weight again..seriously, my jeans became hipsters and then even lower than that..

I have souvenirs from Christmas..they're called bumps, bruises, cuts, and a whack on my head from a metal pole..X_X I even burnt my thumb during a rehearsal (melting the candle to stick it to the stand, and the flame suddenly got blown back by the aircon...)

Still, I felt really loved on Christmas! :) At least some people remembered me enough to give me smses, little chocs or even pressies! Its really the little things that help boost me through. Besides lots of prayer of course.

After the last service, reached home and KO till late today..

Must catch up on life's other responsibilities now..

One thing I ask

I am back online after 4 days without internet..but only for a short while, have to leave the house in a little while...

It is very difficult....

I'm flying both JW and Expo shows...every night, every day, rehearsal...

The fight for me doesn't end after Christmas..

Attack comes from everywhere (as with every production)...

It hurts.......it hurts more than anyone will ever understand, in more ways than anyone could understand...

Only God remains my strength.....

Because its really really tough.

It hurts everywhere, and I still have to battle another round after Christmas..

Glorious Redeemer.

More of You, oh Lord
More of You, in my life, Holy Spirit

God, I prayed, and I prayed, and I prayed..preserve me.

Even when people are determined to whack me down, even when the devil hates my guts so much he wants to whack me everywhere, inside and out..

PRESERVE ME!

Its like having knives through my back, front, and heart.

PRESERVE ME FATHER.

No weapon formed against me shall prosper.

The faithful and the just will see the reward..

Preserve me, Lord.

By Your blood, by Your word, by Your love for us all.

Merry Christmas to all in advance. Don't forget the reason for the season, as you celebrate.

John 3:16.

You're always there.

At 2am+, I didn't have any peace in my heart..

Decided, very suddenly, to do something I've never done before...

I went up to my rooftop, laid down on my back (on the 'platform' thing, if you've ever been to my house), and looked up at the moon and stars..

The air was super cold..breezy..

As I looked up at the sky, I marvelled at God's creation.

I decided to start listening to a worship song, 'dalam kasihmu bapa', from my hp.

When it started playing, all of a sudden, I thought of my Kota Kinabalu mission trip, and the wind started suddenly blowing like incredibly super strong, felt like I was going to be blown off the roof..I was crying as I was reminded of KK, and these words kept repeating in my mind.."You're always there...You're always there..You're always there.."

"I'm always there."

God, You are too incredible for me to comprehend. I love You. Your ways are higher than my ways. I'm just in awe.

Unto God be the glory of all that I do.

--

..on a side note, may be the first and last time I do something like that. I accidentally kicked my foot on something when I was coming down from the 'platform'. Painnnn.

Random thoughts before I leave the house

When you give your best to God, He'll never shortchange you..

A lot of people think I'm foolish. A lot I've given up in order to follow the 'call' when it comes.

This whole month, of course, my heart (and wallet) has been very pained..

And everything will be worth it in the end. No stronger assurance than what God gives to you.

--

I'll never know for sure what God plans for me. I don't really 'ask' about it though. Just trust. And 'go with the HS flow', is what I always say.

--

The packet of tapioca chips is staring at me..I can't eat it till after production cos we all know what happens when I eat junk food during this time.....

--

Off to expo (after doing some more props shopping) later..not for rehearsal, but to check out our sets..a tingly excited feeling, whoo hoo~

--

"What's the point? The same thing always happens every year. You tell me the same thing, you do the same thing, year after year. And still the same thing always. Why don't you just [.....]"

I refuse to agree with her suggestion. Because my conviction is stronger than that.

Or maybe I'm just a stubborn cow.

*bo hue*

Mooooooo?

Bolt - must watch!

Cute little meh meh at Plaza Sing!

Anyway, as promised, my update about yesterday..Watched "Bolt" yesterday at the Cathay, it was GREAT! I wouldn't mind watching it twice or even thrice. A really feel-good show. And Rhino the Hamster! Ahh! So CUTE!!!! "Bolt" is going onto my list of 'all time favourite movies'.

The best part was..the cinema was so empty! There were only a few rows from the back filled up, with no one sitting in front of us, or even in our same row! And we bought the tickets late! Haha! It was like having our own private theatre. So cool~

And then I played DDR after more than a year(?) of ever touching that machine. And I played JUBEAT! That weird new cube game. It's kind of addictive.

A good day it was!

--

Today, couldn't get out of bed..I woke up around 11am+ and saw a lot(!) of messages on my phone..all from different people from everywhere, asking me different things..ranging from Kuan asking me to go ___ to source for props, to Candice, to other drama people, to other choir people...and even SY (sec school friend)..

Even whilst replying messages, more messages from other people came in..wonder why I'm so 'popular' today..hahaha..^^ll

I think the best one was from SY: "I'm downstairs your house drinking coffee now! ^_^"

o.O;

In the end she called me and we went out..forced me out of bed lol..if not think my props errand will er.....

Walked around Bugis Street, saw lots of things I want..haha..not the right time for me to spend money on myself..

And..the cute penguin soft toy at 'Gift a Name' in Bugis Junction is still on sale! I want! So cute..anyone want to buy for me for Christmas? :D

All I want for Christmas..

Heard from Joy's blog first..

All I Want for Christmas Is You - Olivia Olson

10 days to Christmas, and even less days than that till show day..

Yes, we can!

Shall blog about my day in another post tomorrow..lazy now..

I don't want a lot for Christmas..

:)

Finally.

Even if you don't like Britney Spears, just watch her LIVE performance of "Womanizer" at Star Academy 2008 for at least one minute. Click 'watch in high quality' and turn up your sound! I am SUPER impressed by her entrance. Love the set design! And I love her dress too. I've always wanted a flare skirt like that, but can't find in sg...

EDIT: Changed the link, wrong link sorry!!

--

Anyway, main topic for this post: Finally, I'm on the way to financial freedom!!!!!! FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY I managed to convince my parents to let me make a new account today. After 2 years of being NETS-less and no access to bank! Although, for the next couple of months, I still need to go through the 'old system' through my parents as I need to settle things with my old account, such as my next few pay, since its already credited in company's system to go there..and all my savings is still counted as 'stagnant' since they're going to stay in my old account..

BUT it's a first step! Fresh start! I can actually live like a normal person now (or soon anyway, as soon as I settle the payment problems)! No more cash-only basis. I fought the financial fight for 2 years, this walk that I am on. Persecutions comes with financial cut-off, etc. All that borrowing money just to eat sometimes, skipping meals, especially during SOT period, cos every cent of my pay goes to school fees, and even then had to borrow first still. Then the day RIGHT after I repaid all my debts, my stuff and wallet was stolen and I was flat broke. Had to borrow again, back in debt.

Thank You God, for preserving me throughout all these years. Everytime I cried out, but You provided for me. Even when I enrolled in SOT by faith, with no idea how to pay school fees, even had to borrow the $50 first to pay for admin fee. Your miracles kept shining through and through. Even from the very beginning, before all this 'tai zi' (trouble), that period of time when my allowance was already being cut, and I had to walk to MJ's house for cg every week so I could save money from bus fare..

God, You are seriously good to me. I want to cry when I think of how good You've always been.

You never let me down.

Finally, the fight is coming to an end.

This Christmas Eve, I turn 3 years old in Christ. 3 years ago, in 2005, I was touched by the drama on Christmas Eve. This year, I have this honourable privilege to stand on the other side of the stage now, and help out in a drama that will touch thousands like me before.

I also want to thank every person who has been supporting me throughout this time, whether as a shoulder or financially blessing me, you guys are awesome. My cg, leaders, ministries, friends, everyone..

I am Loved, and I am Recession-proof!!!

Not ashamed

"I am not ashamed...to fight for what I believe in.

I am not ashamed...to die for the ones I love.
I am not ashamed...to protect those who love me.
I am not ashamed...to leave you behind.
Because, beloved,
I love you."

Even in the midst of all this dark moments, as 'si fu's' grandmother passed on this morning, and all the deaths from this month alone..

I was reminded of God's grace...

I haven't drawn for a very long time. But I suddenly felt like taking out my sketchbook, for today..

A bit 'sangid' (lopsided), cos it was drawn on my bed. I might be redoing this nicer. Just sketched something up in less than an hour.

To be redone for Christmas?

Remembering the GOD factor in all that I do..

-

It has been a really frustrating week.

Btw, I passed my basic theory.



In the back of a car on a road in the dark,
In the stillicide, silently falling snow,
I have packed everything that I own in a bag,
And I'm driving, I'm driving to Idaho,
A poem for leaving, a reason to go,
So I'm driving, I'm driving to Idaho.

'Cause I can't be anyone but me, anyone but me,
And I can't keep dreaming that I'm free, dreaming that I'm free,
I don't want to fall asleep and watch my life from fifty feet,
My hands are on the wheel so I'm driving to Idaho,
'Cause I hear it's mighty pretty...

And oh, I've been dumb, I've been perfectly beautiful,
Lain on my back buying lovers with stealth,
But I'm sick of you all, and I'm sick of opinions,
And I'm sick of this war I wage on myself...
I don't know why I'm so gripped to go there
A universe riddle that only I know?
Mr. Robert he says, "It's all in the head!"
Tell me, Phaedrus, what's good, is it Idaho?

'Cause I can't be anyone but me, anyone but me,
And I can't keep dreaming that I'm free, dreaming that I'm free,
I don't want to fall asleep and watch my life from fifty feet,
My hands are on the wheel so I'm driving to Idaho,
'Cause I hear it's mighty pretty...
In Idaho.

Loving God, loving others

Last night (or early this very morning) before I went to sleep, I was asking God, Why do our spiritual lives seem to be so low, even though its not cos we love You less? I was given a very interesting revelation.

Imagine the capacity in your heart is like a piechart, with 100%. Rightfully, our love for God should be 100%. But oftentimes, its 90% God and 10% something else, or 50-50, or even 10-90. Now, I'm not saying it's Wrong to love another person or other things, but when those things begin to take up the space that belongs to God, then its time to re-check your priorities.

How then, can we love God and love others, without compromising on one or the other?

Simple, let the love for God be SO OVERFLOWING, that it is more than 100%, and this overflow is what we should use to love others. We don't love another by cutting back on the love for God, but rather, we use the love for God and FROM that love we are then capable of TRULY loving someone with the Christ-like love.

When you see it from this point of view, it becomes so much easier, because the love for others stems from the love for God, just like how it should be.

Hope that made sense. :)

Tomorrow is Dec!

This week has been quite depressing, so many wakes..if not for Rina Oh's wedding, this could probably be one of the gloomiest weeks I've ever had for a while. Even in the midst of the matrimonial ceremony, I received an sms about another wake..sigh..

Ok ok..shall talk about the more postive things..Rina Oh's wedding was lovely! It was at Chijmes, and she looked absolutely beautiful in her gown. It was really touching, especially when she serenaded her husband!! So romantic..I wanted to cry too, haha..

Right after the ceremony, I went for my exam. It was alright, I don't know if its a good or bad thing that I was the very first person to finish and hand in..^^;

Went down for service/choir after that..and I realised half of sg was at expo, from Sitex to the John Little crowds..alot of people were super stuck in traffic..

--

Drama rehearsals have stepped up the heat several notches. We're having rehearsals every night from Tuesday to Friday, and Sunday whole day. Siong..thank God I'm not having classes or having to rush down from any work for Dec..

I'm still wondering where I'll be eventually placed for the crew..hmm...

I think if there's one thing I need to remember, its that God always provides for His people, and everything will work out (eventually) when God is in your life, especially when you're doing the work for God. I've seen how God provides miracles whenever its needed. But you need to always have faith!

I say that this Christmas drama is going to be GREAT! :DD

--

Basic theory test on Thursday!

Stress for sale!

Exam tomorrow (Sat). Stressed. Props not confirmed. Stressed. Being high 'C' and everything is 'not sure' state. Triple stressed. Stressss for sale, buy one get one free.

X_X

I have overcome this before, I can do this again..

With God, all things are possible. :)

--



5 o' clock and a fire escape symphony,
Spilling out across the road and the square,
And the sky's the same as your own, do you think of me?
Do the parks, and trees, and the leaves, reach you, there?
After the rain, in the lonely hours he haunts me, calling out,
Again and again.

Sophia, Sophia, I'm burning, I'm burning.
It's a fire, it's a fire, I cannot put out,
Sophia, Sophia, I'm learning that some things,
I can't go without and one of of them is him.

And now I walk these streets like a stranger in my home town,
Learn the language, form the words when I speak,
But he changed me, I'm his ghost since he came around,
And now I count the hours and the days in the weeks.

Passion and silence,
Every word, every line, a measure,
It's the science of the soul,
And his books, they breathe a reason and now I want to know...

Sophia, Sophia, I'm burning, I'm burning,
It's a fire, it's a fire, I cannot put out,
Sophia, Sophia, I'm learning that some things,
I can't go without and one of of them is him.

You, with your new born eyes,
Have you ever loved a man like I love him?
Do you hurt but still feel alive, like never before?
Oh, Sophia, Sophia.

Sophia, Sophia, I'm burning, I'm burning,
It's a fire, it's a fire, I cannot put out,
Sophia, Sophia, I'm learning that some things,
I can't go without and one of of them is him.

learning to breathe.

Here's a slightly happier song cos people complain I make them emo..

Hmm, I guess I'm just a teensy bit emo this season..guess it'll be better soon?

Maybe its got to do with Christmas Day syndrome..yup..

Haiz..=(




Oh, this road is long, this road is wide,
It takes more than luck to last the ride,
It takes strength and it takes courage to survive,
And did someone ever say to you,
"There's nothing bound in thought you cannot do?"
Well, I've seen some things but not all of them came true.

So I don't want to be the last, I don't want to be the first,
Don't want to be alone with my thoughts tomorrow,
And I don't want to be afraid, don't want to look away,
I'm learning to breathe,
No I don't want to be the last, I don't want to be the first,
I just need a hope and a light to follow,
Like sailors look to stars to find their way home,
I'm learning to breathe on my own.

And I know a man who lost his wife,
This is the way he chooses to describe his life,
He says, "If I think too much, I find there's just a hole,"
But before she went, she left a son,
He says, "Dad, you're not the only one,
Maybe love is just a requiem for the soul..."

So I don't want to be the last, I don't want to be the first,
Don't want to be alone with my thoughts tomorrow,
And I don't want to be afraid, don't want to look away,
I'm learning to breathe,
No I don't want to be the last, I don't want to be the first,
I just need a hope and a light to follow,
Like sailors look to stars to find their way home,
I'm learning to breathe on my own.

Oh, do you still feel small?
Just a speck of life on an ocean wave,
Does it pull us all?
Does it pull us all?

So I don't want to be the last, I don't want to be the first,
Don't want to be alone with my thoughts tomorrow,
And I don't want to be afraid, don't want to look away,
I'm learning to breathe,
No I don't want to be the last, I don't want to be the first,
I just need a hope and a light to follow,
Like sailors look to stars to find their way home,
I'm learning to breathe on my own.

far, far away

Ok, before you all ship me off for counselling, I'm not depressed..I just like this song alot at the moment. Fits to listen to it now especially cos of the rain outside..

Emo warning!



How I wish I could surrender my soul;
Shed the clothes that become my skin;
See the liar that burns within my needing.
How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.
How I wish I had screamed out loud,
Instead I've found no meaning.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;
Hold memory close at hand,
Help me understand the years.
How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.
How I wish I would save my soul.
I'm so cold from fear.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
Far, far away; find comfort in pain.
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

Tears and Rain.

Tears and Rain.

Far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain

40mins

I just spent 40mins waiting for my zip folder of photos to upload to YSI so I can send the link to my editor. With 3:22 to go, GUESS WHAT HAPPENED??

Yup. The internet disconnected, and I have to restart.

*sobs*

I still haven't studied for my exam this Sat, of which I have a practice session on Thurs morning. AND I have drama rehearsal tomorrow (Wed) night. And it's past 4.30am. It'll be 5am by the time I'm done uploading (again).

*bangs head on wall*

I wanna sleep. T_T I need to wake up earlier to study, and to prepare drama stuff.

Ah well. Yet another day in my ever happening life~! :D;;

Asia Conference

So I've just completed a 5-day long Asia Conference! Went every day, and almost every session except Thursday morning (school, bah).

Awesomeness abound! Although, during this whole week, I was busy serving in different areas. Choir, Citynews, and Parade of Nations. At least I didn't have to battle unending queues just to get into the halls. Still, serving (in any area) is tough. Lots of unexpected things cropped up, chaos and confusion. Overall, happy that I managed to experience something different every day!

I have one lesser pair of boots now (BH choir, got spoilt in the process..) and a huge gigantic bruise (BH choir also..). But its worth it, muahaha.

There are two things I really learnt during this whole conference.

1. The true meaning of serving: Service is a sacrifice after all. Felt that this was what God was trying to show me during these 5 days, that is, the essence of servanthood. Why do you do the things you do? Do you join so you can benefit yourself, or so you can make something better for others? Serving doesn't always mean you do something, sometimes it means Not doing something for the greater benefit of the whole group.

One of my friends in Parade of Nations got replaced at the very last minute, and he was really unhappy and started saying things like "why are they always so last minute", "why can't they tell me earlier", "waste my time", "I could have gone and serve in my ministry", "I could be in the hall right now instead of here wasting my time". I told him, "Do you think God looks at your heart, or look at your service?" He didn't understand what I was trying to say at the moment.

The next night, I couldn't serve in the choir cos of too many people, so I chose to come down. And on Sunday night, I was the first to get 'eliminated'. Beside that, got a lot of changes during Citynews, sometimes I couldn't get something done cos it got cancelled at the last minute. So I do understand the type of feeling of 'wasted my time' or 'I could have gone and serve in another ministry if I knew'. But I remembered what I just said on Wed night, and obviously I'm not going to have such similar negative thoughts, because if I'm going to be so 'toot', I know I wouldn't even want someone like me serving. That wouldn't be called servanthood anymore. The difference between Serving (doing the action) and Servanthood (the attitude in the heart)..

I am really proud of all the people who worked hard together to make the Asia Conference a success. Through everyone's teamwork, love and concern for one another, and putting service before self, really contributed to the great event.

Choir super rocks! Thanks to all the ICs for all the coordinating, and members who tirelessly came early to put makeup, dress up, etc, even though sometimes they don't get to sing due to too many people. And everyone looks out for each others welfare - that's the core of being servants to one another.

Citynews crew are unbelievable! The editors, writers, and reporters were working round the clock the whole time. They often have to sacrifice going for the sessions or their own electives (I had to give up mine) in order to do writing or reporting. Having to write with one hour time frame immediately after the session/elective/meeting is crazy! Ironman and women, all of them!! And much thanks to the photography ministry and video ministry for lending us people!

Parade of Nations was a 'once in a lifetime' experience I'm glad to have been part of! Everyone did great, and we saw Don Moen cry during the parade..We're going to claim the nations, yes we will!

2. I need more of God in my life. :)))))))

--

Asia Conference is over, next is Christmas! Already getting back to work for drama ministry. Besides that, being chased for my work work. Articles deadline, argh, had no time to write due to the hectic past week's schedule.

I am BLESSED with good friends and a greater God.

Z_Z

Quick update before I run out of the house. Slept at 5am, but was woken up throughout the morning by sms from choir (prac cancelled), call from citynews (my 'work' schedule for AC, which I mysteriously don't know anything about since the email never made it to my inbox)..

Z_Z

Headache, but I need to go out and source for some drama props materials now..hope for 'good stuff at good price'~

Be back online after dinner! Definitely will be, I have work to finish. ^^;;

Two days before Asia Conference

This is the busiest time of my year..as I predicted, Nov/Dec is going to be a super crunchtime. I didn't have a clue that I'd be involved in so many things though.

....you know what, I fell asleep while writing this entry. D:

Please pump water in me like a camel..I'm quite dehydrated cos I'm running all over the place getting my work done, until no time to eat/drink..

*goes to sleep*

To be continued when I wake up tomorrow (Tuesday)..

P.S. Happy birthday to Adam! Though by the time this post is written it's already the next day..^^ll

Qns I'm tempted to really ask my interviewees

Being not exactly proficient in mandarin, I asked Jim to help me translate some 'fan ti zi'. I was also wondering what questions to ask my interviewees. Then:

Jim says:
lol
Jim says:
ask them what they think of obama being the new president
Jim says:
:P
[Rubez] says:
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA
Jim says:
or.. what will u get if you react NaOH with HCl
[Rubez] says:
i will kena hantam by the other reporters
[Rubez] says:
LOL
Jim says:
LOL

Mandarin + Me = Bleargh. X_X

Truthfully, I'm a little fearful of being "eaten up" by the other more experienced reporters from bigger publications.

Creativity = Risk-taking! I must remember that.

Maturity

I can't believe one year has flown by just like that..I'm looking at some random Christmas ornament that my supervisor at GEHA gave me when I was interning last year.

My 2008 has truly been good. God didn't forsake me throughout this whole year. I held on to the promise, that 2008 was "my" year..

I'm overwhelmed by how much I've achieved and been superbly blessed throughout..despite the obstacles, despite many times when I wanted to give up, even up to now I still will struggle with so much responsibilities to fulfil..

One of my members has this in his msn nick: "Maturity does not come from time. Maturity comes from responsibility."

So true..

--

Christmas schedule for crew is out! aka I'm activated for Christmas drama. Let's do this! :)

I've got exams coming up..Basic theory test also..wahh..

Be nice to me this Christmas? :D You can contribute to my Pokka Peach Tea supply, or Pink Dolphin, for December. They're my red bull for surviving backstage.

Or, you can forcefeed me. I'm prepared to lose ALOT of weight again..x_X

Or, you can say hi to me backstage! No wait, I'm not sure you want to see my super unglam face..

Got to do something that you've never done before

"If you want something that has never happened before to happen, you've got to do something that you've never done before."

Woah. Totally blown away by that one line by Rev. Ed Silvoso.

Today is the start of a lot of things, to say the least..

Started in Citynews, got asked for involvement for xmas drama, etc etc etc etc........

God, help! Need more sleep! And ability to do my work fast and well!

Expanding.

I'm unexpectedly having so much fun in choir!!

First week: I get asked to write the Citinews article for choir.
Second week (this week): I get to attend an awesomely fun chalet.

Coming up: Asia Conference!

Who knew it'd be this fun? :D All thanks to the wonderful great people inside of course!!

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In order to move forward, does it mean pressing on despite unfavourable circumstances, or does it mean breaking free to find something else that could be better?

Praying for clarity of direction, and trusting God to provide the solution.

Make every minute count

What a week!

Went for choir pract on Tuesday, which was coincidentally Justin's bday. He was sharing why he felt bdays were important. To him, every year that he gets to be alive is really a blessing..

As he was talking about that, I was reminded of myself..By rights, I shouldn't be alive either. My parents were already considerably old, and never expected twins, nor did they want any more kids to add to their already 'perfect golden' family (parents plus one daughter one son). Many many years ago, I didn't know why, but I just asked my mother why she didn't decide to abort us after all.

My family isn't christian. But she was finally convinced by a christian friend that told her "twins are a gift from God" and such.

And that, is why Rubez is still in this world today..


Even at that young age when I asked her that question, I really felt the love of God when she said that. And I wasn't a christian then. It's truly by His grace that I'm alive.

Consequently, I had many different encounters with christians, some good, most bad, which hardened my heart towards Him. But God came through to me in the end..

God, how good are You, that You gave me a chance in this world, because I know You've got a good plan for me..

So now, I want to make every minute count for YOU!

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I was reminded the whole of last week of one thing..

I'm no picasso. But I love to draw.

I'm no celine dion. But I like to sing.

I'm not a TIMES magazine editor. But I'm good at writing.

I never expected to see myself backstage, but there I am.

I'm not Perfect, I'm not the Best at what I do, but I do my best with whatever talent I've been given, even if I'll never be number one in people's opinion.

Because, in the end, who are you going to answer to?

If you are given one talent, but you use it well, versus someone with ten talents, and he buries or abuses it, who is the more 'talented' one?

And when you prove your faithfulness with the little things, then that's when God will give you more to handle..

God made you just the way you are, to fulfil a specific purpose for Him.

Some people ask me "when's your turn to act frontstage?" This week, tong yan asked and was really shocked to know that I had actually failed the drama ministry auditions last time. Yup, I 'didn't make the cut' for acting in the DM. Not that I can't act, I have acted before outside. But I readily admit, I'm not the Best actor around. I just enjoy it and had the chance to do it.

Truthfully, I was really devastated, and I was prepared to go to another ministry..

But God has His plans, and I DID go to DM in the end -- serving in another aspect that hadn't crossed my mind before. :) So I STILL was able to use my theatre experience to good use. I just never thought about this option before.

Wherever you're placed, even if you're not 'the top', God's got a Bigger plan for whatever experience He's letting you learn..

Similarly, do you think I ever thought that one day my experience in writing for mags would allow me to have a chance to write for something like Citinews??

God is ALWAYS full of surprises..:)

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Speaking of which..I'm reminded of all the school work and work work that I need to do! Ahh!!

Sometimes I feel a bit no confidence in taking on assignments, especially those that are mandarin-based. BUT I believe! Willingness to work hard and trusting God with all = fruits!

Creativity is RISK-TAKING! And working hard!

I love You, God.

Happy Halloween

Have not been eating well for past few days..schedule was suddenly really hectic..no time/no appetite..>.<

*looks at long to-do list*

I want a brownie with icecream..T_T

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Went to apply for basic theory test. Alan Chen already has his PDL. Cannot lose to him!! Haha.

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Everything is insanely crazy.

Especially as it nears the end of this year, there's lots more to come.

God, guide me. Cos its Your path that I'm walking on. I'm doing my best though the way seems so narrow sometimes..

Next week: One week of morning prayer meetings! I'll be going to Heart of God Church at Singpost.

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God really uses people in the most unexpected ways..

Deja Vu

Went for choir practice as an official official official member..lol~ Was better than I expected. Cos I was initially a bit apprehensive, since I don't really have any clique or kakis in there yet..or rather, they're all in alto..

Well, suffice to say, I think I can look forward to lots of enjoyable times in choir to come! :) Lots of events and activities coming..

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It's like deja vu..

I wonder..

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I have articles to complete..school assignments too..hmm....

When you really positively confess your dreams with a specific timeline, suddenly things start to happen..

I'm also reminded that whatever you're doing now that seems small, is usually part of some bigger plan that we can't see. It's really unexpected how all the little things you don't think about much end up adding up to be important stepping stones to a dream. Like I said some time ago, God knows our desires, even what we don't know that we want.

Well, surprises keep life interesting..:) Expecting the unexpected..lol..

Let's cultural mandate. Creativity requires RISK-TAKING!

I'm excited for many reasons!

First all of, because I'm going back to choir! I'll be in soprano. Guess it's gonna be fun, breaking glass *cough*. Haha!

I'm very high watching my friends fulfil the cultural mandate! JIAYOU JIAYOU, let's all jiayou together! Must say congrats to Jim, he is doing well, his performances are improving! Go to his blog to watch his videos! Cultural mandating! Creativity requires Risk!

I'm going to work hard too!!! In my ministries, in my work, in my life!

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"Innocence is virtue tested." Indeed. It reminds me of my work very much. Throughout this short time, I've been asked to interview people whose values or life choices may greatly differ from mine. I have a choice, to take or turn down assignments. I'm glad I didn't choose assignments merely based on 'what type' of person I'd liked to interview. If I only want to interview "certain" type of people, like "strong Christians" who will quote about God in half the interview, doing things that are related to Church or God only, then I might as well write for a Christian magazine. It's like what Pastor said. How do you relate to the world, if all you speak is "Christian-ese"? Got to be normal! In the world, but not of the world.

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Today, as usual, Alan Liu says it best. "Today is a very, very weird day."

My cell group went to Sembawang Park to catch crabs, and have a bbq. Unfortunately, half of Singapore also turned up. And we only caught a few miserable ones, unlike Daniel Teh who caught a whole boxful the last time he came with his friends. And then we threw them back into the sea.

In the meantime, I got full on keropok and satay. X_X

Then we went to Chomp Pang to eat (or some of them ate, I was already KO). And throughout the day, Alan Liu was just "Today is a very weird day". Which my cgl agreed. Cgl kept wondering why we're all so hot and tired when it rained and we didn't really do anything.

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Ok, well, my weird day doesn't end there.. Went home, saw my mother watching the Singapore Hit Awards. So I just watched a bit, since Mayday was performing. Then my mother said something very funny to me.

Mother: "Are they good? Their song isn't nice.."
Me: "Yah..they're very popular.."
Mother: "Really? But their song isn't nice..I thought ENERGY is better?"
Me: "O_O"

Don't ask me man. o.O;

Jabberworky

PTL!!! I got some supernatural spurt of energy all of a sudden today. I just chionged through and finished 70% of my article. :D

Was kinda stressed because even though I was given a deadline, I was still being chased everyday about my progress. X_X And this week is such a seriously busy week.

Thank God! The source of my strength when I'm weak, faithful in giving me opportunities when I seek.

Tomorrow got exam, hope can go well..

Hahaha feel so high, even though I'm going to study now and have to take an exam tomorrow. XDD

What will I see

Yup, as requested, I'm here to update..

There's nothing much to say about school, except that I have an exam this Saturday..

Last week, I dreamt that I flunked my exam. o.O Which is really weird and freaky. Of course, when you're dreaming, it's hard to be logical and rational about reality. I wasn't exactly very worried about my exam actually, so I have no idea why. -_-

Studying hard cos I want that HIGH DISTINCTION!!!!

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Good news and bad news..

Good news: My dad's colonoscopy results is CLEAR!

Bad news: The lump that they removed from my dad's leg is a cancerous tumour..so that means there's a chance of recurrence..

Troubled..

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My article is published in the November issue of TEENS. I interviewed Hossan Leong, and also did a food review with him at Miss Clarity Cafe. Do check it out if you have time. :)

This is a small step towards bigger dreams..

More articles will be out in following issues!

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"When all the tears have dried" (Sing to the Dawn), written by Dick Lee, sung by Emma Yong:



But if I turn away from what I've started
Then will I always wish that I had tried
By breaking free will I be broken-hearted
What will I see when all the tears have dried

Feel like I'm doing a lot, yet not enough at the same time..ARGH!!!

This shouldn't be the end, but my beginning,
What will I see when all the tears have dried?

I spend too much time on youtube =D

Length of time is never a good indicator of One's level of commitment, maturity, etc etc, to anything. This is for anything from age maturity, career, spiritual, etc.

I've seen people who stay stagnant for YEARS, and when you look at them after a whole Decade, they either reached their limit and stagnate, or they just refused to grow at all. It's like a seed that got buried but refused to sprout.

I've seen people who far surpassed their "seniors" in a short span of just a year, and they amaze me. What they accomplished in one year is far more what others even did in ten years.

What's the differentiating factor?

I don't know what people see when they look at me. An averagely growing seed that grows at an average pace, average rate, average quality fruits? I wonder sometimes (just as random curious thoughts), do people rate my Christian walk merely based on the number of years I've been in church?

I only know that in this short span of time, I've already accomplished far more than I ever thought I'd do. There's still much more that I want to do, but I haven't yet. Should I be disappointed? I can't say that I'm not, but maybe it's cos of that slightly perfectionist streak within me.

One step at a time?

I'm happy though. :) Cos I wouldn't have any of this without God in my life.

It would have been different, so so much different, if..

Anyway. I'm not here to impress other Christians. I just do what I do, the best that I can for the ONLY ONE that matters.

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HAHAHA! Minesweeper, The Movie:

Willingness not just obedience

Psalm 121

A Song of Ascents.

1 I will lift up my eyes to the hills—
From whence comes my help?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
Who made heaven and earth.

3 He will not allow your foot to be moved;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
4 Behold, He who keeps Israel
Shall neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The LORD is your keeper;
The LORD is your shade at your right hand.
6 The sun shall not strike you by day,
Nor the moon by night.

7 The LORD shall preserve you from all evil;
He shall preserve your soul.
8 The LORD shall preserve your going out and your coming in
From this time forth, and even forevermore.

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I was kind of under the weather for a while.

Thank you all for your continual support!

I bumped into Darryl and she really spoke some sound advice to me.

Obedience is not enough, you got to be Willing, in whatever you do.

God, You're still so faithful even when I'm not.

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Sometimes you think you're out to be a blessing to others, in the end you unexpectedly end up being blessed yourself, much much more.

Principle of sowing and reaping!

Greater things

Greater things have yet to come
Greater things are still to be done in this city

Yup..

Feel very 'pushed' right now..don't really know how else to explain it..

Greater things indeed..

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Not fair, just because I'm in adult cell, means we weren't invited for the EDGE.. T_T

Bah..I wish adult cells had some events..(Tic-tac-toe is NOT counted..-_-)

I guess it's quite difficult to organise since majority of adult cell members would be busy with work and other commitments..

Haiz..

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This is the conclusion I've arrived at:

I'M OVERWORKED.

It's not that I'm adverse to working hard and taking on new assignments/articles, but it's seriously Not Funny At All when I'm being asked at 4am just because I happen to be on msn.

It's even less funny when it's the very day after 3 days of slogging like a cow to complete the Earlier assignments. You know, no sleep + no eat? Seriously, I'm losing weight....

-_-

*vastly irritated*

Never mind, I'll just look forward to backstage crew outing next week..rarely get to meet any of them up outside for fun..

Marketplace!

Hellos...

I can only say one word..MARKETPLACE.

My stuff will in November issue of TEENS.

Can't say anything here..public domain..

Will update when I can!

The world has changed..

Thought that I had two whole days to do my schoolwork tomorrow and Wednesday..but turns out I'll be accompanying my dad on his check up to SGH, then Wednesday I may be meeting some people out. Hope everything is ok with my dad, its still pain I know..

Guess schoolwork chionging has to be kept to at night as usual..

And "The world has changed...." seems to be the sentiment for the moment. I'm waiting for more shocks and surprises before the year ends. Haha! Oh my gosh, everyone is so happening can. @_@

Just watched my friend's video of her dancing waltz for her performance or competition, not sure which. She looks so good, makes me feel like learning waltz..~

I want to hang out with my friends.. T_T

Oh yah, forgot to say: Sorry guys for last minute pang seh today..I really really wanted to go outing with you all, but after I reached home from school today I was so exhausted, I just went to KO. By the time I woke up it was already 6pm, and I couldn't go out because my lecturer gave me an assignment to submit (via email) by 12 midnight TODAY! aka if I went out I confirmed can't finish and submit it on time. Would have done it when I reached home but er, whole brain and body really shut down..=(

It's very tough times for me right now..

September's gonna be over soon

Firstly, really have to thank ALAN LIU for being a power lifesaving pillar of support yesterday! He really helped me out loads for my work. People who have the ability to keep calm and encourage me are really the most valuable when I feel like I want to 'fa feng' already. Thank God for N342 members, always supportive throughout my difficult periods of time.

Well, everything will always turn out all right. I'm quite happy-go-lucky now, but my biggest flaw still recurs when I'm really pressured. That is, I think too much, worry too much, over nothing. Sometimes I wish I could be a bit more 'simple' in my thinking. Worry worry worry, only causes wrinkles. :/

It's really Day by Day that I live. There's no other way.

I must really have some sleepy bones in me or something..I KEEP SLEEPING ARGHHHH.

Ok, off to do more productive things~

Setbacks and feeling frustrated

Setbacks are part of life. Look at Michael Phelps - his life wasn't always great.

But seriously, I feel very tempted to give up.......

;(

The easy way is to say that PMS is to account for all this horrible mood..

Bah humbug!

Don't be stagnant, go on newer levels everyday!

Yesterday I saw JACK NEO!!! In the flesh!!!! He's one of my heroes. I won't say where, just somewhere near where I live.

When I saw him yesterday, it reminded me, didn't I have a lot of dreams I want to accomplish? One of them is that I want to work for Jack Neo, or even be comparatively same level as Jack Neo, in what I do. This dream, right now, I don't know when or whether it'll come to pass. Because as it is, my course is going into a slightly different direction. But I just 'go with the Holy Spirit flow' when I took this course.

To go into the Entertainment Industry, most probably into TV or film, either front or back..that's what I want to do.

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I'm going back to the heart of worship..how desperate I was for more of You, God..I want to keep on loving You more..

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Today, I was just thinking how every great person starts out somewhere.

The first film that a director made, may be some home video, of very grainy quality. Yet, two years later, they could have the most popular channel on Youtube.

The first drawing a great artist ever drew, could be stick figures as a child.

The first time a great preacher ever preached, could be during SOT for evaluation, and could have done a very..normal presentation.

The first time a great actor/actress walked on stage, could be when he/she forgot her lines.

Where have I come, after all this time, with so many beginnings? And where am I starting today?

Everybody starts somewhere. Get started, you never know where you may be led to.

What I've started before, have fruited. And I'm going to keep on growing it so it'll be MORE and more fruitful.

It feels like 'starting all over again', a bit of the Once you reach a certain level, you have to start again from the beginning of the next level. You've got more, but nonetheless, start again. You must keep 'starting'.

Don't be stagnant! Keep on going newer levels everyday!

Diligence, perseverance, overcome

We had our zone meeting on Thursday. It was good, minus the part that my stuff got stolen. -_- Lost my mp3 player, which is this, except mine was Pink..I've only had it for 5 months..Then $40, and some miscellaneous stuff..Well trying to be optimistic about it..

It's kind of like times like this in my life, where everything is seriously seemingly going so wrong and I feel so left with nothing, that I have to truly depend on God..

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Ok, got tagged by Candice, so I shall just do this quiz for her:

1. The person who tag/pass you is?
Candice

2. Your relationship with him/her is?
Ex-cg member, SOT teammate, friend, POS mate for 2 years, SP Gusto cheerleading club teammate..HAHA how many more connections do you want me to list?

3. Your five impression of him/her?
Why five? o.O Quiet, calm, likes to sing, feminine, strong inside and out!!

4. The most memorable thing he/she had done for you?
She's done too many things for me. Maybe when I'm down, she's always supportive and encouraging.

5. The most memorable thing he/she had said to you?
Er..probably "Rubez I miss you!!!" at Chloe's bday. Cos I'm usually the one going "Candice I miss you!" every morning during SOT. Haha!

6. If he/she become your lover, you will?
If she was a guy, then we'll see about that..

7. If he/she become your lover, thing he/she has to improve on will be?
-_- N/A

8. If he/she become your enemy, you will?
Do nothing. I don't bother about my enemies.

9. If he/she become your enemy, the reason will be?
Will that happen? T_T Er, one of us move away from God?

10. The most desired thing you want to do for him/her now is?
Go outing....

11. Your overall impression of him/her is?
Good!

12. How you think people around you will feel about you?
Nonsensical, funny, lame, crazy, quiet at times..

13. The characters you love of yourself are?
I'm self-entertaining. :D

14. The most ideal person you want to be is?
Jesus~

15. For people that care and like you, say something to them?
It's the people that love me that make me everything I can be in this world. ^_^

16. Pass this quiz to 10 persons that you wished to know how they feel about you. They are

..I don't even know who reads my blog cos hardly anyone tags. And even if I try to think of the potential readers, they don't even make up 10 people. So I can't do the rest of the questions that ask me to 'say something about no.7' or something like that. Whoops~

So if you read up to this point, do this quiz? :D

p.s. Cherissa you can't escape. :P

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I'm going to have to try harder to be a very diligent and hardworking..

Subarashiki Kana, Kono Sekai

My initial thought about what my dad's operation really meant just got changed. The lump that was removed from his leg is probably a cancerous tumour, which means there are chances that cancerous cells may still be prevalent. My dad googled his condition, and he's feeling a little gloomy about the prospects. I think he's pessimistic.

Back to doctor's review in another 6 months..I hope he'll be given a clean bill of health.

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I'm keeping to my goal to be fitter! Went running yesterday and today. Have to tone away all the flab from eating and eating and eating and..

Want to be back to a more toned self! Come on!! Or no mooncakes for me this year!

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Troubled....I wish I could be more decisive. The most stressful part is when you kind of make a decision, then you still can change your decision, and you wonder whether you should..so much at stake. Well, life is about risks isn't it, calculating the risks and deciding on your course of action each time. If not, how can you ever grow and overcome if there's no challenges?

I need CLARITY.

In the meantime, I'm feeling somewhat encouraged by Miyavi's 素晴らしきかな、この世界 -WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD-. The video is addictively awesome, and the lyrics are great. Basically it's about how we should lighten up in life.

For your benefit, here's a subbed in English version by someone on youtube (ignore the website link advertised, it doesn't work):




And this is for my self-indulgent benefit. I like to watch the video without the words:



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When circumstances in life are so depressing as it is already, I've got to keep my spirit up.

Priorities

My dad is discharged and at home, but it still hurts for him and he has half a dozen pills to take everyday..

I decided to turn down the AHAVA job..

I have some plans, though they may still need to undergo tweaking. Not going to say so much yet..all that's certain is God will make a way in all things that I'm called to undertake..

I was quite blessed by Zhiyan's revelation. I was reminded that its really 'seek God's kingdom first, and all will be added unto you'. Made me reflect and ponder alot..

CHRISTMAS IS COMING!! :DDDDD

Oh yah, school is ok..that's all..too early to say much..

I need to exercise. I need to exercise. >.<;

I'm slowly adjusting to this new lifestyle. My life feels like its hanging on the edge of something, in anticipation, but I don't know what. Yet.

I'm happy to see my friends around me having blessed and prosperous lives now..hmm..my turn soon please, haha..


Team 21 group photo (minus Alex..)! The pretty and handsome ones of MJ zone!

I love all my friends, whether I mentioned them or not~

Somehow, I think my life is in a faux 'relaxed' phase right now, have a feeling its going in for the great final lap of the year..coming soon to a theatre near you..

New beginnings in September

I was quite busy since last Thursday. My dad went for operation on his leg and has been warded for observation since then, with today making it Day 5 already..:( Really feel very 'xing tong' cos he's so bored and suffering by himself in SGH. I've been trying my best to spend my time as much as possible at the hospital, in between running my needed errands and stuff for Uni admin and such.

Speaking of Uni..they are super ownage can..only email me at 10.30am to tell me my 2pm class today was changed to 9am.."Good Game", SMa..

-_-

Anyway, pray my dad can discharge ASAP!!! Already dragged until so long, its very tiring..physically and emotionally for everyone..

Going for interview for part-time job tomorrow, at AHAVA, intro by Michelle. Just now met up with some of the Team 21 people for dinner, and Jian Wei was super funny. He misheard AHAVA as 'Hati Hamba'..LOL!

Well, so that's about that..New school started, I only have class on Mondays & Thursdays, 9am-12pm, for up till December. New job to find/get/start, probably AHAVA if the hours work out all right. New plans and paths to follow, for at least this short period of time. I already started my 'read more books' goal, currently am very engrossed in my Charles Dickens "Hard Times". :D Cheeeeeem book, but BRILLIANT.

Everything will always work itself out..that's all I know..as long as you keep exercising the faith muscle..which I know mine could always increase more..

I'm going to need to put 'exercise' in my plans somewhere..>.<;;

Graduated from SOT

I'm finally graduated from the School of Theology.

To use the word 'finally' is odd in itself. Because right now, it feels like I've only just begun, rather than ended something.

It's akin to an egg maturing to finally hatching. While the egg 'finally' hatches, yet hatching is really the beginning of the 'real' action.

We're all matured and hatched, ready to take on the 'real' world. Not that the 5 months of SOT weren't real enough. So many of us were barely standing in the last few weeks, from exhaustion throughout due to balancing schoolwork, job requirements, social obligations, and other things. Our emotions, I'm sure, everyone was whacked some way or another.

Myself, I wanted to give up sometimes. I did wonder, was it worth it? Yet, I would remind myself, if I give in now, how am I going to fulfil the dreams and visions God placed in me?

Even before SOT, I already had a slew of problems to overcome, ranging from the family-related to financial. But God provides indeed. Every month, I practically had to keep changing jobs so that I could earn just that little bit more. I'm still in need of a new part time job now, to clear off some unexpected debts. I'm prepared to fight this fight for the financial freedom for a longer time, as long as is needed to be 'free'. But I guess you could say, I made myself a willing party of this. Because I know, that no matter what problems occurred, none of them will be too big for me to eventually solve. Because GOD has prepared the solution. If He put me to it, He'll see me through it. And it's been proven time and again, month after month, all this time.

My cell group leader always tells me *this* and I'll always remember..I'm just grateful for my cell group and leader's support in all this time! Ivan and Sarina and N342 are the most incredible.

I'm thankful for my team 21, the history-making team, being the first MJ Zone team in SOT! MJ is proud of us, and I hope we can make him proud too! MJ Zone!!

To all my members in team 21, and to ALL the friends I've made in SOT, in some way or another, EVERYONE has really made a difference in my life. I really wouldn't have it any other way. The awesome testimonies of faith, that sometimes make my problems looks so small in comparison, the wonderful personalities and characters I've been privileged to meet, the longsuffering kindness and guidance of all our lecturers and staff of bible school..it's been Amazing.

What else have I learnt in SOT? I was able to experience and expand myself more in ministry! Firstly, I was majorly involved in the Mother's Day production. Half the time, I had to call in absent for my part time job (it's up to me when I want to go in) because everyone else was not able to take leave from theirs to go down to Salvation Army and other related places to settle all the needed sets and etc. Thank God for His grace, and providing the wonderful SOT volunteers at late notice to help as crew.

I got to experience choir! That was really fun. I'll miss that alot. I'll miss the friends I've made even more! T_T Choir helped me to be more dressy. Haha..no more black black black black black all the time..Great excuse to go shopping too.. *cough*

Both SOT and choir helped to push me to take care of putting makeup on my face. Now I can't go out without putting any, it's become an ingrained habit. -_-;;

I've become much more diligent in my bible reading, and assignment-doing. Haha! Also all the 11 exams..oh my..study study study I did..

I also can't forget the very strong encouragement from Pastor to all the singles to get attached. Haha! Of course he says that in the capacity that majority of the SOT students are mature enough and etc to be in a relationship or at least start dating. I have to say that many of the MJ Zone brudders heeded the call..many 'on the way' soon..as for the sisters, it's not so happening for us..oh well..God is faithful, it's more urgent for the guys as they're getting older and such anyway.

Another exciting highlight was the mission trips! I went to JB with a small group, and it was wonderful. Then I went to Kota Kinabalu with 50 people, and experienced the warmest hospitality and love from the m'sian believers. Glory Christian Centre is really going to be something. I LOVE KK, it's an awesome place to go, I want to return for a holiday (and to visit the church and my new found friends of course!). KK food is yum too. Hehe.

Ok, I didn't just go on mission trips to eat. I went to serve! In KK, I was doing most of the backstage logistics for the drama our team acted in. Have to say that team 21 can win acting awards! A GREAT show of great impact, and glory to God! Loved every moment of the mission trip.

Finally, there was the wonderfully awesome graduation night and service days. On our graduation dinner night, we saw fireworks! Beautiful fireworks, and of course even better is being surrounded by the best bunch of schoolmates for that whole night. Had an interesting mass dance thing before that, watched several super humorous performance items, took a lot of photos, and just felt so blessed to be in such a fun celebration. Nowhere else I'd rather be on a Friday night. :)

The next day was the graduation service. In fact, this is the first time I've attended my graduation. I didn't go to my polytechnic graduation (though my photos in the graduation gown are officially splashed across several newspapers and websites..) because I didn't want to miss lessons. Took more photos, and felt so awed by the experience of graduating.

SOT is truly the best experience of my life.

And like what every graduate says..You've GOT TO GO SOT!! :)

I've been inspired to do much more, to fulfil the destiny I have in Christ, to do the many things I need or am called to do. I kind of figured out I can call them my '5 S':

Studies: I want to be a good student, in my new school. I want to study super hard, and be such a role model to my fellow classmates, and that even in my area of studies I can impact others positively. God, help me to be diligent in my academic areas and to be a good helper to others who seek my help in this course. Let me be an 'exemplary student'!

Social: I want to be more Sensitive to others' needs, that I will not always be saying the wrong words or doing the wrong things to unintenionally offend. God, help me to be more Sensitive to others! I also want to be Smilier, to attract others to be my friends! God, let me be more cheery all the time! Because I think it's still not enough, I want to be on default smiling in the face of anything that comes my way.

Self-improvement: I want to learn the things and skils that I've always wanted. There's guitar, and there's driving. I need to get myself to do the necessary action in learning and completing them! God, help me have the necessary discipline and ability to conquer these areas, so that I can be well-equipped for the future work in my life! I also want to look Sharper, going from glory to glory in my dressing and appearance! Though I think I've been doing a good job thus far, there's always room to improve and go to a new level. :))) (It's not just an excuse to do more shopping..*cough cough*)

Savvy: I want to read more! I have a small pile of books that I have yet to complete. I also need to be in-tune with the current news and current TV shows, movies, etc, being in this field of Mass Communications. How to be successful in a field when you are not knowledgable about it at all? I have libraries and Borders at my disposal too, for when I'm done with the pile of books. Now that I don't need to 'chiong' bible or any reading materials for SOT, I'm free to 'chiong' other books of my choice. God, help me pick good books and material to enrich my life, and let me be knowledgable in my area, that I will never be caught in a situation where I'm 'suaku'.

Successful: This kind of covers almost everything not mentioned. I want to be successful, being able to balance family, ministry, school, job, etc well! God, help me in having the right balance in all areas of my life. I want to be someone whom others will look up to and say, "I want to be as successful as she is, being able to do well in every area of her life!'. I believe that this is possible, by God's supernatural help plus my effort. God honours the faithful.

Let's GO! I'm ready for the next phase of this adventure! Coming up, Asia Conference, and Christmas Production! What other surprises has God in store for me this rest of the year? :) So exciting~

Back from KK

Back from Kota Kinabalu mission trip! Will blog more about the trip when I have more photos from everyone, and more time. Ahaha. Will upload to Facebook or something also, they look so small here.

Basically we helped the church, Glory Christian Centre, with a mini-Emerge event. My team was in charge of putting up a drama, while the other team took the telematch in the morning. I'm so impressed by my members, nearly all of them have never acted or even touched a stage in their lives before this. And yet, they put up a tear-jerking performance within a few days of practice only! Really God's anointing and grace with us!

Our hosts were wonderful! I want to go back to KK to enjoy!! Ahhhh! So beautiful and lovely!

Reality..I have a lot of assignments to clear back here now..@_@

Seasons

Writing this as I eat my breakfast..

Haven't slept since yesterday, not even for 5 minutes. Was chionging the group project for SOT until 5am..then surfed a while so I wouldn't fall asleep..I already know what happens when I decide to go sleep 'just for half an hour'..half the time I regret it..so..

AWAKEN MY SOULLLLL right now..sigh......

Really thank Charmaine for coming up with such a great outline..if not, think our team would really be very far behind..

Thank God for internet resources too..

Ok, this is another specs wearing day, got to be kind to my eyes..hope to 'break the chain' tomorrow.

Still have way loads of things to settle..KK trip with its +++ worth of things already..whoosh..

Ok, got to go SOT early, my team's week to do PA duty. I'll be back to write, hopefully with a very good report..yessss..

I was so tempted to give up really, in the midst of despair..but suddenly this thought came to my mind..if I let myself be struck down now, how am I going to achieve all those dreams and visions God placed in me? And His promises..so close to claiming them with each passing day..

Struck down but not destroyed..

And then I remember what Charmaine always likes to say, about "perserverance builds character" etc..suddenly it really seems so applicable..hmm..

To stand tall in the midst of craziness

Had eye infection after SOT on Wednesday, struggled home to get my specs before heading to work (new job btw). So I've been wearing my specs for these few days. Which apparently people feel looks better on me. o.O I have no idea..nvm..

Ayez..new job = super tiring..keep crashing to sleep the moment I reach home..can't bring myself to do my project research..:(

This week is just plain crazy..somemore rehearsing for choir showcase..>.< feel a bit on the down side because it's tough to keep up with the other two wonderful gals whose standard already there..me is a noob, so dear God, please help me..jamming late into the night..ahhhhh very tiring on top of all the above-mentioned things..

Then upcoming mission trip to KK..which brings with it a whole load of its own 'things' to settle..

God, help me!! Got so many things that I need to rise up to the occasion..help help help!!!

Let's do this Pastor Joshua Hong style..O Lord!! O Lord!!!! O Lord!!!!!!!!!

I CAN DO YOU CAN DO WE CAN DOOOOOOOOOOO!

Visions

I got such a lot of visions this week as we exercised prophesying over ourselves..every session that Pastor asked us to pray, I'd get a new one..

1. I saw a field, of green grass, a wide expanse. In front, nearby, was a beautiful red farmhouse. In the far distance, I saw a dark mass of clouds, like a thunderstorm, with lightning flashing dangerously. But it was in the distance.

I felt that God was saying, I am that house, your refuge and shelter from the thunderstorms in your life. Why do you keep on looking at the thunderstorms, instead of seeking shelter in Me? In fact, I am closer to you than you realised. Right in front of you.

Why do we stand outside and stare at the problems in our lives, when we have the safety of God to enter into?

2. I saw an island, in the middle of a vast ocean. I saw the shore, obviously seperated from the island by the great amount of water. Then, as I wondered how I could possibly cross from the island to the shore, suddenly, the waters supernaturally subsided, and revealed that the island and the shore were all one piece of land, and I could easily cross over now.

I felt that God was saying, even when we are stuck like on the island with all our problems, wondering how to find a way out, God will begin to reveal miraculous things to us that we never realised before, in ways that we never expected. That we will discover things that were once hidden from us by God. So..don't worry.

3. I saw a huge tall waterfall, which flowed down into a serene river. Note, the river was serene, calm, glistening, like any other nice calm river or lake. It didn't seem like a waterfall had just gushed into it.

I felt that God was saying, even when the heaviness of our problems fall down, and we have overwhelming burdens that gush down, He'll lead us into a place of calm, quiet, peace. All of the troubles that we go through, they will all lead to peace. And it's only God's peace that could guarantee something like that.

He'll lead us to a place of peace and rest when we're struggling through all those troubles..


Seems the common theme here is..when you're going through troubles, God will take care of you, He's got a plan. Thank you God..

Personally, it's a struggle for me in many areas..I'm holding on tightly to the promises He's given.

It's gonna be alright :)

Suddenly felt so incredibly joyous tonight..think it's a culmination of gratefulness to really how God has been good to me all this week, and just plain whoo hoo for God..See, I can't even use coherent lanaguage now..lol..

It wasn't a smooth sailing week, rather I was quite challenged. It showed on my countenance sometimes, the weary face, when people talked to me they'd notice. Hmm well, the tough period got overcome, now I'm so yay I can't even remember why I was like that..LOL, what better way to forget your problems than to be so HAPPY that they get washed away with this great love..

Just so grateful that really, when I felt my feet slipping on this mountain, the harness will always be there to pull me back up..

IT'S GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT. It always does. (And I think I repeat this phrase several times a year.)

The direction is becoming clearer..and some things I need to do, and some things I need to give up in order to make room for the things I need to do..will feel sad of course, but just leaning on God's purpose. Always, when I give up something for a new move, I feel sad, but I always end up gaining so much more in the end, that I can't even imagine.

It's all OK! :)

Last 5 or 6 weeks to go

Having good relationship with your boss is very important. :) My boss gave me a raise though I'm leaving soon. LOL! And she bought mini-doughnuts for me yesterday on the way back to office. Haha.. She wants me to stay on if I can. But I know by end-August, I need to move with the new direction..

--

It's not easy, with this last lap of 5 or 6 weeks of SOT to go..the higher up the mountain you go, the thinner the air. I'm trying my best to overcome..battles that occur here and there..

Then there are the other major decisions and transition periods to come..well, God said, He'll tell me what to do when it's time to know what to do.

His promises truly do come to pass..I'm just waiting to see what's in store.

--

Shading an average of 100 MCQ these past two days have left my hand feeling rather pain until now even..bah..

I want to watch movie..I want to eat Carl's Junior..I want a lot of things lah..

All need money and time. -_-

5 love languages

Because I was requested to do this by some people..

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Acts of Service
with a secondary love language being
Quality Time.

Complete set of results

Acts of Service:		11
Quality Time:		7
Words of Affirmation:		6
Receiving Gifts:		4
Physical Touch:		2

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz


It's always in the same order since last time, just the values fluctuate a little from time to time.

Acts of Service! Do things for me! Ahahaha!

Season of New

I'm squeaky clean, after Pastor Mike Connell's week of deliverance and healing ministry with us. Yay!

I really should update my blog more diligently, seems to be so many things to write about nearly every day..

Anyway, firstly: Which smart bugger in my family configured a password on my laptop's internet?! And never ask me, nor inform me at least what's the password..which is why I'm writing this so late..

Thank God, I'm always prepared with backups! Thumbdrives and CPU to the rescue! Can save my assignment 4! Though I try not to use my CPU late at night since it's in my bedroom and the light will disturb my twin sister.. >.<

But..where are my earphones, and my handphone cable?? I'm the only Sony Ericsson user in the house..

GADGETS, stop PMS-ing at me!!!

--

Went for choir practice today (tuesday). Greatly enjoyed, mostly because of the thick presence during worship. I just knelt down and started crying quite hard..never mind if I was the only one like that..God really gave an outpouring of His love on me..seems as if I always manage to hear from God during choir practice. Feel ULTRA blessed by that encounter. :) I'm reminded, that His promises Always come to pass..

Fasting really helps in building up the spirit..

--

Finally collected my (dusty) diploma cert from school, and immediately applied to study at Murdoch University locally via SMa. At least I don't need to fly to Aussie to get my degree~ And I'll grad faster than local Uni students because of advanced standing..muahaha..Dec 2009 anyone? :D

The best part is..SMa is at BUGIS! <3 Too many reasons to love the location, ie if rehearsals happen to be in the area..:)))

+shopping +food +central to everywhere and everything +cathay cineplex around the corner +can find my friends at SMU +straight bus +++

Of course, I'll have to study hard..since I'm plunging into it at advanced standing, I won't have time to slowly relearn all the basics..discipline!!

And of course have to do well or my mother will whack me how to shine as salt and light if you don't do well eh?

Oh yah, I start September 1st. Merely less than a week break after SOT ends. @_@ Study study study. Goodness.

--

I'm truly BLESSED. :)

This is truly the season of new for me now..What's next, God? :D

It's tough, but I'm enjoying! Tears+Joy = eventually joyful tears. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

..I should cut down on the bubble tea. :DD

I'm so amazed

My life is truly experiencing a lot of changes this year..so many experiences..whoot..

Anyway..I won't be at OrangeTee much longer, taking a huge step of faith..will be leaving when my manager manages to find a suitable replacement for me and that person has settled down into the job. In fact, she graciously said I could leave earlier before then if I needed to.

I'm making room for God's plans..new direction to head to..

Still feel this excessive feeling of joy wanting to overflow from within me, in the midst of this uncertainty. :)

--

I'm so amazed.

An early morning msn conversation

An early morning msn conversation..

CANDICE® ❤ °° I KNOW YOU WILL SHINE YOUR LIGHT... °° says:
what time u leaving house
[Rubez] [2/10 down] inspired to step out and step it up says:
8-8.30 bah..if i wanna reach 10..if nt i can tuo
[Rubez] [2/10 down] inspired to step out and step it up says:
wat time u reaching?
CANDICE® ❤ °° I KNOW YOU WILL SHINE YOUR LIGHT... °° says:
10 loh
[Rubez] [3/10 down] inspired to step out and step it up says:
kopi?
CANDICE® ❤ °° I KNOW YOU WILL SHINE YOUR LIGHT... °° says:
yeah
CANDICE® ❤ °° I KNOW YOU WILL SHINE YOUR LIGHT... °° says:
hahaha
CANDICE® ❤ °° I KNOW YOU WILL SHINE YOUR LIGHT... °° says:
kopi
CANDICE® ❤ °° I KNOW YOU WILL SHINE YOUR LIGHT... °° says:
sounds like some uncle always go coffee shop
[Rubez] [3/10 down] inspired to step out and step it up says:
HAHA
[Rubez] [3/10 down] inspired to step out and step it up says:
we are all old

LOL..early in the morning at 7am..I just finished my sermon (prosperity), chionged from 4.30am to 7am. Frankly, don't really feel very good since yesterday. Exhaustion.. Yesterday (tuesday) when I went to work, I was so unfocused, I couldn't even photocopy properly. Quite obvious I was 'gone'. Told my manager I wanted to take leave for the rest of this week..although I need the money but I don't want to KO.

Glad that I went for choir practice, it was great. ^^ Quite fortunate that I have opportunity to know so many nice and awesome people in choir. Wilma and Michelle are amazing amazing amazing. All the things that we need to do for choir showcase, they are just WOW at getting it done. If I could, I'd so 'kope' them over to DM anytime to be backstage crew..keke..join the (literally) dark side..

I just realised seems like a lot of choir people could do well backstage. Very detailed people, sharp and on the ball, yet calm~ Just like..JOYYY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOY! <33333 May you be blessed many many much much alot! Haha, you from choir went to moonlight backstage, I'm the other way around, from backstage run to choir..lolz..

YAY I LOVE JOY! <3 Super power woman!

Housewarming (and the like)

OH HALLELUJAH~

By some miracle, I have just managed to finish my outline for tomorrow's sermon topic (Healing). I haven't rehearsed, will do that tomorrow morning..no choice, for some strange reason, these days as I try to stay up, my eyes turn red and begin to sting. Never happened to me before, even when I had to chiong for productions any time in my life..or even when I chionged overnight until 6am to finish projects last time..hmm..getting old??

--

Last Saturday, when I went for my cousin's housewarming, I realised EVERYONE was there with their boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife..except me. It was like having a big target sign on my head. Couldn't 'siam' some of the inevitable.. :/

John (cousin): So any guys you noticed?
Me: Doesn't matter even if I see any guys that I think are not bad..no use.. sg guys are so non-proactive..
John: Then you take the first step lah! We're living in a modern society now! *passionate speech*
Me: -_- Right..

plus

-When taking photos-
John: Haha Rubez, cannot come into the picture..couples only~
Me: -_-ll
John: JUST KIDDING LAH T_T

then

John's gf: Next year your turn to bring~ :D
Me: Wow, can predict my future already ah? Lol..

LOL, just wanted to post that so I can remember how my cousin bullied me. Then I can tell all his kids next time..Muahaha.. ^_~

Sorry, think I'm too high from not enough sleep..always happens..:DD

Coincidence

Bumped into Clarisse today on the way home, we are two people kind of stuck in the same boat. While the rest of our classmates have gone on to Uni's, army, or full-time jobs, we're both still poking around, wondering what's to become of the future for us.

Seriously, I really don't know what's the next step for me. I totally depend on God's perfect timing and provision now. Where? How? Who? What? When?

This is called FAITH..

The good news is, it ALWAYS turns out alright in the end, even if it has to take a few complicated detours.

Anyway, so much to do, so little time.

--

Work these days is very interesting..by the way, I'm at OrangeTee if anyone was wondering. Not going back to NGO for the meantime, and for all you know might go over to Kexin's company after SOT..haha..

Anyway, last Thursday I was wondering how I could finish my assignment on time. I did some of the photoshop stuff first before I had to go online to do other things, when..the whole company internet system went down! So I couldn't do my work. Finished typing my second assignment while waiting for it to be fixed. XD Then Friday I couldn't login to the system, so manager asked me to just go home earlier..same pay, whee~

Yesterday was a considerably light day, so managed to chiong finish assignment 3 on Tuesday after finishing my office work..muahaha..shhh..

My (office) workload is increasing alot, but at least I'm getting more and more different types of things to do around the office for my two managers and manager's boss..At least got variety, getting a bit boring doing the same thing for past few weeks..

Oh yah, the strangest task I had to do thus far, was to type up into soft copy the detailed explanations of the DISC profile today, for boss' to conduct his training program next week. LOL! It's quite insightful really. Did the DISC test long time before, I know I'm a CD (high C high D), a combination that is..not for the faint-hearted? :D Hahaha. Will post up the DISC profile explanations when I got time, should be sleeping, have to wake up at 4.30am..ooh la la it's almost 2am~