2009 Reflections

All my exams are over, and I've finished serving backstage for Christmas drama..:)

I'm happy with how everything is finally 'settling' itself as the year ends..

Well, 2009 has been one of the most challenging years of my life, up to this point..

Kind of amazed that I made it through to the end..thanks to support and encouragement from friends/family etc..

I really don't know how else would I have done it..

There were of course some highlights, but there were many many valleys this year..sometimes so deep I really couldn't see any way out..

Thank God I made it! :)

I'm really looking forward to a better new year in 2010. There's a lot of things I need to do, a lot of 'new' beginnings..such as most pertinently, hunting for a full-time job..

My first priority is Job fulfillment or satisfaction. I don't want to work for the sake of it, I want to do something which I won't have 'wasted' my life giving my time to, just for the sake of money..

Priority list for job hunt:
1) Job fulfillment/satisfaction
2) Job environment
3) Hours (can't clash with church and family)
4 & 5) Pay and Location
6) Prospect

2010: The word 'future' is really appealing to me now..I can't wait to meet this new year, with brand new days and things! Goodbye, 2009..

Happy with the way my ministries are back and running again, after my short hiatus..I need direction and vision for the coming year!

I've got a few plans for 2010, but still keeping the drawing board open for new things to come..it's going to be a fantastic year! :)

Thank you to every person that has impacted me in my life this year..especially the ones that encourage me when I'm a little grey storm-cloud..

2010: To a Fantastic & Fabulous Future! And beyond! :D

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New year's resolution? Fulfill getting a great job.

Will update in time to come. :)

All I want for Christmas..

...is peace of mind, and rest.

My only priority now is to get life back in the balance..

I've become very flabby (in many ways) in the past month(s)..

Time to cut down on what needs to be cut down, and gear up what needs to be geared up...

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I feel so broke :(

99 Balloons

In the midst of my final essay..

In the midst of chugging through my final essay for school, I can't help but wander onto youtube for music (and got a bit distracted, oops).

I suddenly remembered the reasons why I love music..

Singers/Musicians from the pre-24hr MTV era in Singapore that I love, people like Lene Marlin, Kylie Minogue, A1, even Aqua..haha..

Not that I don't like the music era now, but there's something with each era that's different that I love..now there's a lot of emphasis on good music videos, beats and dance-y type of music is back, the electronic edge..image is even more important than ever, dancing, stage..etc..

What can I say..I'm not trained in any way, but I just LOVE MUSIC LAHHHHHHHHHH.

And I miss those days where it used to be fun..

I hope to put the fun back in the next time I sing.. :) (not that it hasn't been lah)

There's no point, in doing anything, when it starts being a burden rather than a passion.

When I listen back and think back on such, I remember something..

You should just go ahead and do what you like, what you want, and don't chase after fame or such..When you do what comes naturally, naturally the other stuff will come to you..

"Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and all else shall be added unto you" ya..

I don't know any musical instruments, never went for any lessons (choir in church is not exactly counted)..

I just want to have fun..:) (and of course do well in it and all the other righteous politically-correct stuff la)

I miss backstage too, will treasure my last official time in drama this december before my semi-retirement..

SICK

YAH I'm sick.

I've got my hospital appointment fixed up, waiting for it.

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Stay tuned. I'm in planning of a lot of things I want to do.

I only have one life to live, so I might as well..

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Will be doing backstage crew for Christmas Production again, and this may well be my last year of doing so...

Let's see where the wind blows..a nice breeze yah, not a typhoon...

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3 more weeks of school left.

Michael Bublé - "Haven't Met You Yet"

Michael Bublé is so awesome! :)

"Haven't Met You Yet" music video:



♥

Change.

I actually wrote the following Very Long blog post on 30th March 2009, 3:17am (so says the blogger saved time of the post). I never published it. I forgot why exactly.

Logging in to blog again, I suddenly realised it was there. Nearly 7 months later, here it is, totally unedited and in its true raw form as of 30th March 2009. I realised it applies to my circumstances once again, and its bound to happen again and again.

Might as well share..

--

I believe for something more. That I am being prepared for something greater.

Otherwise, I wouldn't have to go through such 'testing'.

I just thought of this today, the reason why some people backslide, is that they are so used to being where they are, comfortable with being the same and staying there, unwilling to change their comfort zone outside of what they can control.

The minute something big or challenging comes, they don't want to face it. They will rather run, or avoid it. Or they say "I'm not ready to deal with this at the moment!"

The truth is, no matter where you are, you can't avoid it. And you will never have a 'ready' time.

What do I mean? You can change your cell group, zone, church, country, even whole RELIGION, but it is never about WHERE you are. It is really about YOU. The same thing will arise again, not because of other people or the circumstances, but because it is something that lies within your ownself.

You have to realise it will NEVER be gone until you face up to the issue at hand. Maybe its pressure from leaders to rise up? Maybe its to give up some of your free time to do more in ministry? Maybe its to give more of your finances to building fund/offering/something that God has called you to? Maybe its to rebalance your ministry and family time?

Let me say it again; you can change your environment, but you can't change the issue. Get it?

--

Remembering how my walk with God just a while back (just a few months ago) was akin to me standing on the edge of a cliff. Behind me was my old life, everything I knew and was comfortable with. In front of me was the valley, so deep that I couldn't see the bottom, and definitely knew it was dangerous. That was my future, with all my dreams and visions.

This was the choice I was presented with: whichever path I chose, there is No Turning Back from that choice. If I go back to what I was comfortable with, I will never see that future come to pass ever again. If I go forward to achieve my dreams and visions, it is literally Succeed or Get Destroyed Trying.

The dreams and visions God has prepared for me are beyond what I can imagine, and I know that I cannot remain the same. This life I have, if I am not living to fulfil His purpose, then what is the point?

I jumped right forward with faith that God would provide, and have already experienced so much, sometimes it makes me want to crawl into a corner and just not move. The parts that determine to wear me down until I am destroyed and don't achieve my dreams are aplenty. There is no time to breathe before thing after thing is shoved at me. I know that all of these play a part in my long-term success, but the pain is real, especially with the unexpected (or even expected) side effects and by-products. The good, the bad, the ugly, and the totally random, everything is suddenly a whirlwind to me more so now than it has ever been before this 'chapter'.

I'm not ready to give up yet, because I know the moment I give up, its really Game Over.

There is no 'save' button for this. No 'pause' button, and no 'escape' button.

But! There is the 'F1' button!

What comes forth out of adversity

Something quoted from my bro's many FB quotes:

"Yanase became inspired by the idea of Anpanman while struggling to survive as a soldier in World War II. He many times became faced with the prospect of starvation which made him dream about eating a bean-jam filled pastry called Anpan."

Anpanman is a super popular classic cartoon or anime in Japan, made 'back in those days' post World War II. Imagine, out of the worst adversity, is when the type of genious and breakthroughs you can't get from any other place come forth.

I guess, it is really only when you are put in certain situations, is when you will really think about some things, and bring you to another level. Which you couldn't have done if you'd been in the same comfortable place all the time.

I mean, if there wasn't a need for light, Thomas Edison wouldn't have felt like creating the lightbulb now, isn't it? (other than his sheer love for invention..) If there wasn't sun/rain, who would have invented the umbrella?

Alot of the time, there is a circumstance of need or lack, before something great can come forth to fulfil that void.

--

I did my assignment until I saw the sunrise.

going home.

Been bombarded with bad news day after day..

I can't concentrate on my school work or my driving properly at the moment..

I've got deadlines, tests coming up..

What to do?

I know I need to pull myself together, but I'm really squashed flat by the weight of things..and the people around me are affected to various degrees..

I'm supposed to be Strong..and draw more strength from God..

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

Cabbing is really expensive.

---

I didn't make it through for this round of JAMS BV (back up vocalist) auditions. Till next time..

October

October is scheduled to be a very busy month..plenty of events, deadlines and my TP (driving practical) retest..

Just like the rain, "this too shall pass"..

Approximately 2 more months till I graduate!

Fancy Free

It is in our weakness that God's strength for us can be seen.

In our imperfection, where His grace can prove to be more than sufficient for us.

I'm not perfect, I know a lot of my mistakes and weaknesses, and in my weaknesses, I know even more how much I NEED God.

"Fancy Free" video!:



Anyway, like how the song describes, I'm going to be "Fancy Free" from now.

Don't be a pillar of salt

My friend told me this, as advice as I deal with things that upset me:

"Don't turn into a pillar of salt."

--

School has just started again. Retaking driving lessons again as my retest approaches.

I can do this..!

How the end of the year approaches so steadily slowly, yet so quickly at the same time..

How will I end this year?

September reflection

The focus right at this present moment, I guess, is to focus on myself..not in a 'selfish' kind of way, but as in I must ensure I develop my own self first, before I want to go out and conquer the world on a larger scale..*cough*

Yah..individual development is the key now..don't bother what others say..I know myself..

1. Update resume
2. Physical health (exercise and eating habits)
3. Ministry
4. Personal development
5. Studies

and of course Improve my own relationship with GOD first, and know myself very well, overcome my weaknesses, turn them into strengths..

If your own self is not developed, how do you expect anything that requires a larger capacity to handle to be handed to you?

"When the student is ready, the master will show up" ie YOU have to be prepared first, before the things can happen, not wait for things to happen and then you're not ready..it'll be too late by then if you're not up to the standard to meet the challenges or opportunities..

Life is seriously made up of SO MANY things..yet sometimes people seem to be so lost on one aspect only...BALANCE in your life, is the most important key..

And having a right standing before God..

--

My life is made up of SO MANY things, yet people somehow only see (or CHOOSE to see) one aspect of it only..

Don't jump to conclusions before you know the whole story...

I don't like it when people try to impose their opinions on me. Sharing your view and trying to make me agree with it, there's a very thin line..

Maybe next time, I should just pretend I don't have anything to say, so people will stop trying to 'correct' my view, or rather, my Own Personal Convictions that don't need anyone to approve.

Beginning? or Beginning of the End?

Noting this here so I can remember since I want to change my msn status:

lessons for self: 1.learn frm mistakes 2.dun repeat them 3.move on, stop feeling guilty 4.be new n improved frm tt day forth

--

Beginning?

Beginning of the End?

Recently

New thing I learnt recently:

FB photo album has 200 photos per album limit!

Anyway, have uploaded all my NDP 2009 photos (217). Will share some here when I have time. Yup, went live parade..Awesome parade!!! :D Best I've ever experienced in my whole entire life!

Recent realisation:

More and more of my time is being 'booked' and demanded for..I need to schedule an appointment with myself, for myself..sigh..:(((

I really need some rest....a break from doing Anything, and from meeting other people's needs..my tank is running on super low..

Refill me, please?

Looking for....just some nice, quiet time spent with the right person/ppl, at relaxing pace..not whole crowds and full of activities......very tiring to entertain so many people every time lei..

Anyone want to sit quietly with me, with a cup of coffee and quiet idle talk at relaxing pace, or just to enjoy the silence and be content to just 'nuah' in each other's company..?

Despite this being the start of my holidays, I feel so stressed and worn out still (and actually even more so)..

Recently:

Wishing I can control situations, and determine or predict outcomes, but I know everything is unpredictable, and Only God can control...

Having a little more faith in God..

Having a little more belief in that things will always work out for the better, and that all situations are useful to my life whether pleasent or painful..

Erm, off to try to catch 30mins of sleep before getting up to get ready for morning pm, day 3..sigh, i forgot to stamp my booklet for tuesday...argh......oh well....

Thinking less, Seeing more

I don't want to think so much about the things that are not important, or not beneficial to me..

Focus first on what's important, and remember the GOOD stuff, not the bad..

Now going through a tough and stressful time, school and health..urgh...

At least, I have already finished all the assignments, left with my 2 exams.....

Having that "hungry but no appetite" syndrome..no 'wei kou' for any food, though my stomach is rumbling so much..everything tastes the same (ie Tasteless)..

--

Think Less about the not important stuff..concentrate on what Is good, and has always been good...

I think it's human nature to be pessimistic, so I want to take a step back (or many steps back) to reexamine situations, with a bigger picture view, wider lens, bigger eyes and mind..

And look for the GOOD rather than the worst in each situation..

And when I do that, it seems better and that I "think too much" sometimes..

Worry doesn't help to achieve anything.. :)

Love God forever yup..thanks for preserving me throughout this difficult time! FOP and Anniversary coming up..Singing for performance choir for second service of Anniversary..Busy busy weekend this week..

Some updates

I don't know what's wrong with blogger, the 'new post' part is very messed up..

Anyway, busy with choir pract..upcoming performances..

Feel like Taylor Swift in the gown..think 'Love Story', haha! But pretty and princessy~

Er I flunked my driving practical :( Taking again in Oct..

Recently..health not so good again...past two nights, I KOed straight after reaching home from choir, too tired..And my back has been hurting again past couple of days..

Nevertheless, leaning on God's strength...

I'm pushing on, one more individual essay for school left, then its 2 exams, then HOLIDAYY where I shall be busy with choir, national day (I going NDP live YAY), mum's bday and er lots of other stuff I'm too lazy to say....

Love my friends, and very blessed inspite of all difficulties..

MY BACK VERY PAIN AHHHHHH

but i going cg now. :) *xin ku de qu* (painfully goes) I'll be ok! Yeah! Must do my assignment too, no time le~

2days without coming online, led to massive amounts of emails and notifications until ppl smsed me to check my email..sorry sorry..pls msg me if anything! :) My online hours not very consistent..haha.....

Whys

Why do I get this feeling that I'm going to die young, before I even reach 25?

>.<

(hope its just a very bad feeling, and nothing more than that..)

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Why is EVERYONE (especially those that Don't deserve to be) so kaypoh (busybody) about things in my life which are TOTALLY none of their business?!

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Wondering if I should buy from the latest spree..

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'Horrendous' is the only word that comes to mind..

Visit from God..

My heart is burdened, for my friends..

The truth, its right there infront of them, they see it and know it, but refuse to acknowledge it..

When will you start being TRUTHFUL to GOD?

That little bit that you don't give to God, He knows.

Today/tonight, powerful presence of God. Holy Spirit kept moving in me.

For Decentralised Zone service, I began to envision a whole terrace full of people. Double the number of the current one today. And God said, "U want 1000? I give u 1000."

Tonight...divine.

Was sitting in front of laptop, began to pray for one of my friends..As I prayed for him, suddenly felt like praying for another girl who I was talking to on msn (suee)..

Presence of God came, HS in me, I suddenly laid hands on screen and start to pray for her, anointing over her life, joy of the Lord in her life, peace. Felt the cloud leave me suddenly, and know that it went over to her. Checked with Suee, yes indeed, presence is over there.

Tested it on Weiye without him knowing, yup again. Laid hands on my screen transmitting HS to people..lol..

Prayed (for many things) until sweaty handprint on my screen for people, began to have a lot of words of knowledge and words of wisdom..prophecies..

But HS started to weep because people were not believing and the work could not be done fully.

Burdened..

Prayed till breathless and giddy, prayed n prayed n prayed....

It's like too much to say in a blog post, how do you explain such a powerful encounter and experience tonight? In mere words, can't...

My english has flown out the window for this post, cos words can't effectively accurately describe what I really felt man...

Rising up to the occasion.

Yah, I've been given some new and heavy responsibilities..was very uncertain about my ability to be able to handle it, but leader and peers have utmost faith and belief in me..so therefore, I will do my best to do it! :) Thank you for the opportunity!

Will share what it is at the appropriate time..secret until the task has come to fruition..:)

The good thing about having 3 ministries..I can keep people guessing what I'm talking about..muahahaha..:P

Enjoyed going out with the gang in the past week, but had lots of hard work to be put in for school and etc recently..fighting lots of 'wars'..thankful that GOD is with me, and my friends have me in prayer! :D

20 days to driving test!!!!!! I must pass on first try! ^_^ Envision smooth roads and nice tester..ahaha..

Hoping for more job assignments in August..

halfway through the year 2009

It's really mysterious (as usual) how God works...

Some of the things, I have been praying about that I wrote in my prayer booklet have been suddenly 'put into motion' by God..coming to pass as I have written/prayed for..

Whoots~

Share with you all the 'annual report' at the end of the year..many breakthroughs are coming..

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I survived the challenging part of the week.....

x_X

Want to take a good rest, but I have more stuff that I need to do..

Deadlines, bah!

Battling and don't want to fall sick...

Her Diamonds

A higher transposed cover from a guy on youtube of Rob Thomas' "Her Diamonds":

2 words

Two words:

Got discipled.

Another two words:

Move on..



I love to read Pst's daily devotion/blog.
True grace of God

I believe

I BELIEVE! And the more that I believe, the more that the unseen things become more real than ever.

MEH~

--

I guess I don't matter anymore?

--

I bought an external HDD, finally! :D Happily backed up all the important stuff from my very cranky laptop.

I ♥ the little things.

(my laptop crashed while typing this post.)

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A harsh reality. But maybe it's one that I have to accept.

Where can I go from here?

--

I highly suspect I'm PMS-ing, and I really do hope so, otherwise I don't know how else to account for sudden negativity. :/

Symphonia

One reason that I declared I would never, ever, want to be a journalist:

I can't take it.

I can't look at all the news everyday, with people dying, with all the disasters, with all the sad news, and be expected to put on the brave, poker faced front to report on it. Every day of the week, that's your job. Face all the emotional trauma and report on it.

I can't even read the newspapers without feeling sad.

Which is probably why the closest I get to it is on reporting Entertainment and lifestyle. Where nobody dies, no suffering, and its all happy stuff.

I'm not deluding myself, I know bad things happen.

But given a choice, shouldn't I be allowed to choose Not to be exposed to it every day?

Haiz.

:(

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I'm not perfect, so don't expect me to be.

Again, the bottomline: It's between God and I.

I don't expect anyone to fully understand, but I do what I do as I've always done, for ONE reason.

If you're going to be there to support me, thank you. If not, thank you too.

CHOOSING to be happy.. :)

Winter

A good bible study session today, Pst talked about things that many of us can relate to..the 'winter' season that we have to go through, to prepare us for 'spring'..

It kind of reminds me of what I just blogged recently, exactly the same..

I determine to go through this season WELL and be prepared for the great spring! :)

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I don't expect everyone to understand, but in the end its between God and I, the decisions of my life/actions I carry out. Yah...

Worth of a dream = Value of the sacrifice?

The worth of a dream = the value of the sacrifice?

Being challenged by God to give up something so very difficult to give up, very precious to me..I can think of a lot of other things I'd willingly give up, but this..super hard..

Asked God, can I have more time to consider? Cried over it..

The next night, prayed about it again, but this time God gave me a 'step by step' plan and I realised that I could handle steps..

God doesn't expect you to do things instantly, but He'll provide the 'process' and it'll be something you can manage..

It's a Process!

--

It's really interesting how God works. Anyway. I'm just happy to feel that my life is aligned the right direction right now.

New and exciting things are coming~ I have new goals to work towards, hehehe...

I WANT TO GO LEARN PROFESSIONAL MAKEUP!!!!

And just when I thought about it yesterday, Mandy suddenly talks about Cosmoprof today..

I need to find out more information, save $, plan properly..

Yah, one of my secret desires..to learn professional makeup..been thinking about it for a long long time actually..I have a lot of 'secret desires' for personal self-fulfillment, just put them 'in storage' as I focused on the priorities..

Liberty in Christ Jesus

I just woke up about half an hour ago..had another unpleasent dream..

Ok, I'm not that type of stupid toot that goes about panicking that the world is going to end, just cos I have two nights in a row of bad dreams..

But the context of this one, is a bit, hmm..so thought I'd share, in case..

I dreamt I was being tricked 'while using my talent' (I have no idea what, I just know it was cos of this in the dream) and kidnapped, and being held in this room with a lot of other people. Then I saw Leon (DM actor), and Jason Lim (choir, Joyce's bf), who are two of the most talented people I have ever met in my life IMO. And Leon particularly was super angry that while he was 'tricked while using his talent', and apparently it was something like he was engaged to provide song-writing and he wrote a song, but in the process (or after the song was finished) he kena kidnapped.

And the weirdest thing was, the crook was this woman with a really 'false prophet' type of character, kept on proclaiming "God is good" and was "therefore" why she was doing all this kidnapping crap and was so successful at it = God "blessed" her in it.

Then, she was still in the process of tricking people, and there were other people who had finished doing whatever they were asked to do, they were all unknowingly returning to the room..innocently happily coming..

Then we kind of outwitted the woman and escaped, and were telling the crowd of people that were coming back to run away. Then I realised that whole bunch of people coming back, were all SO YOUNG...like secondary school age, or even primary school..I was super shocked..and they were like so clueless and innocent..

Then I woke up after we all managed to break out (so drama lol).

So what's my interpretation? Er, some 'false prophet' is going to trick the innocent youths while they are using their talents, and then..?

Actually, maybe there's no back part in the statement the dream was giving me? So I shall give the back part MYSELF..lol..

Some 'false prophet' is going to trick the innocent youths while they are using their talents, but there is liberty in Christ Jesus.

Ohh yeah, that sounds about right. :P

......do you really expect some coherent interpretation from someone that just woke up..

Either I'm thinking of PK's message last night too much, or I'm playing too much mafia wars and restaurant city that my brain cells are fried, or.....

I want to sleeeeep lah! Only one hour's of sleep, to last me for serving S4 and then GDOP at night..gahhhhh...

Just sudden random thoughts

Just a sudden bunch of thoughts I must write down before I sleep, as they come to me.

As I open my eyes, I suddenly see.

How we're meant to be a blessing or can be a blessing to others, through simple words and actions in our day to day.

It doesn't need to be something BIG, but it can make a BIG impact on others.

So, how else can I impact you today? :)

God, use me!

Mini Emerge 2009

I had a horrible nightmare last night. I dreamt that something happened to my face, and my skin was all blotchy and purple, I just looked in the mirror and discovered it was like that.

I was so afraid of looking in the mirror this morning.

Had a hard time getting up, spent 2 hours rolling in my bed, very uncharacteristically did not want to go to service, even was halfway reaching for the phone to sms someone that I didn't want to serve for mini emerge, too tired to go for service etc..

Well I forced myself to go, cos this is obviously not MY thoughts....

Thank God I did, it was a great service! :)

Felt the breathless syndrome again right after Pst said something inspiring like "the youth are going to blahblahblah", like my clothes were too tight or something. Went away after 5 minutes or so I think.

ROAR!!!!!!!!!

Something good must be going to happen to me, lol.

--

On (hopefully) unrelated note, my stomach has been acting up recently. From time to time it happens..certain food triggers off bad reactions..weak stomach since long time..

I don't know what to eat anymore that won't make me feel horrible..argh...

Ministry

(This was meant to be posted last night, but my laptop crashed again while I was finishing up the post..)

Thought of the day (random..or not?):

Ministry is a Privilege, not a right.


Sometimes, I myself may feel exasperated by the demands of ministry. It requires you to give a lot of your time, and effort, sometimes not being recognised. Sometimes, you feel like the ministry became so "dependent" on you -- your phone doesn't stop ringing with people finding you for matters, smses about "can you help do this? can you serve for [insert reason here]", and then you start getting a teensy bit annoyed.

Then its vital to do a rain check, and make sure you don't start getting proud. The ministry doesn't revolve around one person, it is always about serving GOD.

If people keep looking for you, you should feel honoured, the same type of honour as if your house had been chosen for the King to stay in.

At the same time, if you still go ahead and receive the King while you keep complaining in your heart "why so troublesome, have to renovate the house, have to hire people to help do this do that, must prepare the best food etc for these few days.."

Then don't do it lah!!!!! If it makes you so unhappy, why still agree to do it? If you turn it down, there WILL be someone else that the ministry can find to take over your turned down job. As humans, we have this really baseless reasoning that "If I don't do it, no one will, so poor old me must be FORCED to do it..for the sake of the ministryyyyyy". Wah lau eh, mai drama can?

There IS a difference between:

a)willingness + ability to do it
b)willingness - ability to do it
c)ability - willingness
d)- ability - willingness

Anyway. The point is, ministry = privilege, also doesn't mean asking you to illogically or ridiculously put in so much time and effort that you neglect your own life (personal, family, fun, spiritual) for the "sake of serving" (category B or C as per above illustration). Like what is often said, "God asked you to give Him your heart, not your brain. So keep your brain and use it!" Use your brain, use your brain!

And for those people who think that ministry is dependent on them so much, nobody is indispensable.

Remember, Ability can be trained, so B can become A. Willingness is up to you, and that is the only thing that stops C from overtaking B and jumping straight to A.

I am not and have never claimed to be the 'perfect example' of a ministry worker. I do sometimes get low, feel unappreciated, or feel tempted to be "elitist" just because you have been long enough in the ministry.

PA's words, I will always remember. "If God asked you to be a toilet cleaner in church for the rest of your life, will you do it?"

The privilege to serve God in the capacity that He wants you to, not what others want you to do, or even your own "self justification" of what you "should" be doing.

Just do it

Sometimes, something may seem more difficult than it actually is. Then when you JUST DO IT and you find out its actually so simple.

So next time, JUST DO IT and stop thinking so much.

(My revelation of the day)

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Ok, this is actually linked to what I just said. *cancels off the seperator* I know myself. I just really have to JUST sit down and DO IT and the wheels of the bus will go round and round. ie My work. Work work workity work. Always very sian to do it, but when I just push all other thoughts of sianess, reluctance, negative etc aside and DO IT, everything just comes so easily after all. Then I wonder what's wrong with me, think so much for nothing.

I wish I could say "I'm a natural worrier", but God didn't make us to be worriers.

Of course, this principle may apply to other aspects, but I won't be discussing at length about that now.

--

I decided, but "in due time" I will make the timely announcements. <--open for God's changes

But I feel better after deciding! Its always best to make up your mind, than to hang in the balance.

--

By the way, I'm on the next train.

Cut, cut, & throw away

Cut, cut, & throw away..

I'm going to 'dettol' myself with the blood of Christ, and be vaccinated and disinfected, totally immune from unneccessary diseases. Clean and stay clean!

Keeping 'clean' needs you to bathe everyday, to get rid of germs before they become harmful and make you sick..

*cleanses and disinfects*

Yah, that's the daily thing I must do, examine heart and spirit and make sure it's CLEAN.

--

Let's choose to be happy.

--

Believing that there's MORE for me out there, I'm going to figure out what's the next steps that I need to take, the calling to be clearer, and the discipline in me to be well, more disciplined.

:D <--I wanna stay in this way foreverr, only way is by GOD yeah.

Global Day of Prayer coming up~

God's Chisel

This has been floating around on fb and blogs, not sure if you've seen it yet, but it's really very true.



I am an original masterpiece, and I'm letting God chisel me.

I want to chill

I was at Lunar on Wednesday night, technically to work (attending the Y2J mini-concert). But took the opportunity to chill with my drink, when I got bored. I want to just chill..sit back and not think, to drink and chitchat with friends...but that's not the theme of the day for me this week, I guess..

Then I forgot Wednesday = Ladies night, and right after the Y2J set was done, all the skimpily dressed and shiny sequined bartop pole dancers took over the stage. o.O

I have to say though, that was the most entertaining part of my day. HAHA!

--

Been crashing SOT for the past couple of days, for the book of Romans teaching. We learnt the history and context of which Paul wrote the book of Romans, and went indepth verse by verse into chapter one and two so far. (and somemore things Pst talked about which I won't elaborate here)

Obviously, EXCELLENT sessions. :D

--

I guess that's just something I have to accept, and 'immune' myself against.

Merry Christmas, Mr Lawrence

One of my most favourite songs of all time ever ever ever, if not Most favourite ever ever ever, "Merry Christmas, Mr Lawrence" by Sakamoto Ryuichi (IMO one of the best composers in the world):



I also like all the remixes made since, and even Utada Hikaru's version too, hahaha.

Go and listen to Sakamoto Ryuichi's other arrangements, such as the very famous "Say U Love Me". :)

--

I'll find my way.

Listening and figuring out what God wants me to do next..

The challenges are just beginning, I guess..

Everything in life lies in 'decisions'. Decisions determine us. 'No decision', is also a decision.

I have one week holiday next week (don't ask why my school is so weird), just right for me to figure out where I'm standing now.

--

I got what I asked for?

Fighting battles - Begin!

Had an awesome time serving in performance choir for the weekend. Fun fun, plenty of new experiences! And plenty of hairspray in my hair that I had to wash out..x_X

Would really love to join, but not at this season..in the future I guess? Right now, I have other things to focus on for the moment..

Am currently feeling slightly overwhelmed..mostly cos of school..barely started one week of it, and I'm feeling a little lost..must figure out what I need to do, and do it!

I will figure it out! I know that I really need to fight major battles this week, to catch up in my readings and not to lag behind in my essay deadline (though its one month away). Start early is always good! :)

First time in my life, I actually had to take PINK panadol..was majorly in pain today, nearly couldn't leave my house..super duper pain in expo also, thank God for well-equipped ladies..

This is crazy man..I've never been so 'jialat' that I had to take PINK panadol before..grrrr..

Get thee behind me, devil!!!

--

Oh yah, by the way. I got a 'Distinction' for one of my modules. :) Just left with finding out the results for one more module from last trimester..

--

I wish I could get more PAY....more PAID assignments, with the PAY coming in to my bank asap..so much 'incoming' but none reached yet..Where's my pay????

I already fulfilled my building fund, so its not really urgent, just for myself to eat/shop/etc..but still..

++

-I Will not be afflicted by my back pain such that I can't wear the gown this weekend for performance choir! ROARRRR
-I will not be affected by any problems such as breathing difficulties when I sleep!!! ROARRRRRR
-I will not be affected by the devil or his ways in any way!!! *Ignites~!!!!!*
-I will conquer my school work as well! I will be super duper amazing in every area of my life!

DIE DEVIL DIEEEEE go away and stop disturbing me. *kicks the enemy back to hell*

--

Today's cg message: Visualising and Realising your dreams.

I'm going to run hotter and hotter after my dreams. The desires of my heart. How much you want it, the more you should run after them, do what it takes.

I'll do what it takes.

--

I asked God for an answer, He gave me an answer, and now I guess I'm still trying to accept the answer.

breathing difficulties

Last night, I couldn't sleep, and I had breathing difficulties. It was really, really bad. I was really struggling to breathe, and I was half thinking if I'd have to go hospital, very afraid.......oh my goodness...I don't have asthma, so it was really weird...just super scary..

Then, went for cell group just now, MJ out of the blue said he couldn't sleep last night, had a lot of breathing difficulties, like gonna have asthma attack....

Same as me...

hmmm

My health is being very attacked recently. My back pain has suddenly been recurring just this past few days, and its really PAIN..(two years ago injury from cheerleading)

This weekend must be super SHIOK man..

Never judge

Never judge someone, for any reason.

All you see is what remains, the scars of their past, their flaws, their bad side, or what you Think is their bad side.

And maybe you know what they used to be.

You may see the After, you may know the Before, but how often do you know the In Between?

--

Intended to go running today, but too lazy..

Laptop keeps crashing..sian..

No comfort food at home..sian x 2..(tempted to go buy my faves..midnight snacking anyone?)

I need new clothes..but not the right time to go buy..

Eeek, I'm beginning to sound like such a couch potato..Noooooooo.....

School reopens next week, which will end this sedentary lifestyle of mine!!

Now I remember one reason for drama ministry..helps me lose weight..=X (but I'm not involved in Mothers' Day production..)

Been thinking about a lot of things this week....

Keeping the dream alive

My laptop keeps overheating, having the blue error screen of death, and I can only switch off the main power via the power plug to restart it. It could be due to any (or a combination) of the following:

1. There is something wrong with my laptop.
2. The weather is so hot that its affecting my laptop too.
3. I am pushing my lappy too much, working too hard/too long hours until lappy protests and KO...

Available solutions:

a) Get it fixed
b) Buy new laptop
c) Stop working so hard

--

I am in ♥ with this song, :



'Love Story by Taylor Swift, meets Viva la Vida by Coldplay - Piano Cello'

=)

--

Thank you God, I just finished my work..

dreams..

There's still so much more I want to achieve. I'll share my dreams one by one,

hopefully if you're still sticking by me when I'm halfway down the yellow brick road.

--

Soprano outing today at Sentosa was great! Had fun with the girls, and Idy's dog.

Commitment

I was just flipping through the online version of the Harvest Times magazine, and this thing stood out to me: Life in God is a COMMITMENT.

Just as we daily (are supposed to) pray, read the bible, and be a good example in our lives, this also includes the 'little' things that you often neglect. A lot of people are plain lazy or have so much busyness in their lives that they choose not to go to church or cell group regularly, or when they can't make it, they don't bother to go for 'make up'. They created their lives in such a way that they can only sigh and say "no choice".

There is always a choice. It's just which choice you make.

Why I am always making it a point to go for cell group (or make up cell group), even though some people may ask me "Isn't attending church service good enough?", is mostly due to the COMMITMENT I have made to God. You want to do what God wants you to do, it means doing EVERYTHING, even if it doesn't make sense to you. Even if going to cell group or service is "wasting time" or "useless" to you. It's not about what it does for YOU. It's about what it does for GOD when you are obedient and follow through your COMMITMENT FULLY.

And this week's cell group message talked about how fellowship and cell group are important biblical principles.

My life does NOT revolve around my ministry. My life does NOT revolve around serving or just 'showing face' by attending events. My life is also NOT about 'fulfilling attendance quota' of any sort.

My life is ABOUT PLEASING GOD and FULFILLING MY COMMITMENT TO HIM FULLY, NO EXCEPTIONS.

what's in a name?

I was just browsing around for some nice names, because I suddenly felt like having a good name on hand in case I decided to insert one baptism name for myself.

I've always felt a bit 'meaningless' having a name which has no recorded meaning in history. As you know, my given name has no actual meaning by itself. No site around has this name even on the database. So, in a sense, I'm 'free' to define it whichever way I want. I felt a bit bothered enough to go dig (again) for possible meanings of my name. So I split my name into two (according to the syllables), and went to find what I could as closely as possible..

Actually, I'm quite pleasantly surprised by the outcome. All the 'possible' meanings are really very positive definitions. :)

(If you strictly want the 'ru')
http://www.mybabyname.com/baby-name-full-detail/ru/54675/1

(taking it that 'bez' or 'bezzie' is an alternate of 'bess' or 'bessie', which are short forms of the name Elizabeth/Elisabeth)
http://www.behindthename.com/name/elizabeth

Thank God I got a really good name, unawares though my parents may have been when they named me. The names are even biblical!!

Maybe I don't need to get another additional name after all..

"You are no longer a youth!"

The statement:

"You are no longer a youth!" ~MJ to me

Well, this is the official explanation for why I have not been involved for the past 1-2 years in ANY youth event in the zone. Heck, I haven't even HEARD of them can?

So, I have been regarded as an adult for a very long time now. Since I've been in adult cell I guess. Anyway, I've always felt that I leaned more towards being an adult than a youth.

*drumrolls*

I'm officially in (another) adult cell, N255, under MJ. I guess this is a sign that I should seriously 'forget' the youth stuff, and concentrate on all the things adults do (career, building ministry, etc etc etc).

Don't get it wrong, I'm happy with any arrangement..

--

A lot of people constantly ask the same question of me. No, it's not "When are you getting attached?" (although that is one of the most Frequently Asked Questions as well....). It's "When are you going to act?"

I haven't acted in church because I didn't make the cut for the actor auditions in drama ministry last time, and now I'm a full-fledged backstage crew.

I haven't acted in ANYTHING whatsoever, ever since more than 3 years ago, when I gave up theatre for more church activities. (I don't have any regrets, just nostalgia.)

My last acting in anything whatsoever was in Feb 2006....

Last week..A sudden opportunity, an offer for a TV series audition for a really minor role that other people may have turned down, but I went for it, and got picked.

Even if its not a glamourous role, nor have more than one line of dialogue, I'm so overjoyed to have this chance to act again....

Don't sweat the small stuff?

I made a mistake, and I don't know whether to say "I'm learning, learn from mistakes and don't let it happen again", or should it be "I shouldn't even have allowed this mistake to happen at all, it could have been easily prevented".

What to do, I'm not perfect......

In any case..I'm happy I had my tau huay zui to drink at home after a long day at drama..

It was a really long day..minor accident during rehearsal at expo, no injuries, but we had plenty of shattered glass to clean up from the carpet..crikey.....chionging of people to attain last minute props to make everything perfect..

--

Some other stuff I am a bit upset about..

Good Friday to Easter Sunday

Let's talk about my weekend then!

First off, I was not involved with this year's Easter drama as it clashed with my exams. :( Yah, a lot of people have been asking why I wasn't backstage.

Anyway, I served for choir and also City News! Spent a lot of time at Hall 7, at the City News booth for the SME Fiesta Trade Fair 2009. We had a mock studio where you could pretend to be newscasters, and even burn a DVD of it. So cool!

Saw a lot of interesting booths around, but one that I personally love is Maverick Couture. Their clothes are gorgeous. *_* It looks a little like what SKIN brings in, but I think I kind of prefer Maverick Couture more.

Haiz. I want clothes. I saw the dusty pink hoodie from MC get sold out before my eyes. :( The sad (or good?) thing is that they only carry a few pieces of each, sold out means sold out. Have no $ to spare on luxury clothing now, guess I'll just aim to get a nice hoodie or jacket next year. ♥

...along with my wishlist of a mini laptop (VAIO? or even MacBook Pro/Air), and a PDA phone (Blackberry or iPhone). Oh, and GUESS bag/wallet. :X Hey, we've all got to have dreams right??

Also watched the Easter Drama twice. I really enjoyed it, it was a really dark and deep theme this time around. Congrats to all the team for working so hard and successfully giving a great show (for 9 services!). Awesome!!

--

Life Lesson #799: Do not take driving lesson at 7am on Easter Sunday. The pillar which you will almost bang will tell you why.

--

This weekend will be the final instalment of the 'Shawn & Sally' series (the official name is actually 'Love Busters'). I'll be doing backstage. I'm not sure if there's a season 3 to come..

I still have one more exam to go, on thiscoming Tuesday. Media Law and Ethics. Urgh. What's more, its at NIGHT. -_- I'm going to have a hungry grumbly tummy while doing the exam. Bah!

How do you call this relaxing during the holidays when there's still exams.. -_- School is going to reopen super early next month as well..where's my rest??

Easter celebration in the local news!

Our Easter Celebration is reported in the Straits Times today!

Awesome! :)) I watched the drama yesterday, and indeed it is unbelievable!!!! Super cool opening scene, very interesting storyline, and beautiful set. ♥

Ok I got to run to expo now..I'm also helping out at the City News booth at the SME Fiesta trade fair in the morning. Booth F06! Come check it out. :D

A good makeover makes a difference!

I was REALLY doing my assignment just now, when I stumbled across...

What the S-Factor girls look like WITHOUT makeup!

I don't follow the show, but I had to satisfy my curiosity..

On the trashiest site stomp, but really MUST See!!!

Most of the girls are models, but the pictures just go to show that EVERY girl will look good if you put in effort (ie put makeup, good haircut, and nice clothes). Think the same will apply to guys too (minus the makeup part, just get a good makeover).

So for girls/guys who complain they are ugly or plain-looking...makeover time! There's hope for everyone! Especially when you look at some of the contestants 'before' pics, they are really quite plain-looking..my gosh, how do they even do the auditions for this show???

Blood

I just scratched myself under my leg, and it started bleeding.. The blood wouldn't stop though it's just a tiny scratch..

And then I realised, this is the exact same area that my dad had his leg cut open in order to remove the lump..leaving a BIG scar which looked like a wound from some horror movie..and while the would was healing, it kept bleeding..And my dad wasn't allowed to be discharged till it stopped bleeding..

Having to change the bandages every two hours, and having a tube stuck to the wound, leading to the blood being collected in a plastic bottle, it was a traumatic experience for me to watch, let alone imagine how much pain my dad was in..

And he's a stubborn type, putting the bottle in his hospital gown pocket so he could go make himself coffee, instead of getting the nurses to, cos he wanted to be independent (and maybe personal ego?).

Anyway, that was during the time I was in SOT.

Can't really remember what the exact details of my past year(s) were, I just know every time I had drama production or during SOT period, something kept happening to my family/relatives. Particularly my dad..

Remembered how I would cry backstage when I had some terrible news suddenly being smsed to me.. And how Esther forced me to go home from rehearsal once..

Thank God, He is greater than all the world can throw at me, and protecting my family. The wound is since healed, but dad's leg still hurts when he sits down on it.

I want a green scarf

Went to celebrate Jasper's birthday today, by watching 'Confessions of a Shopaholic'..together with Justin and Candice..Very nice movie! :D I want a green scarf now..hehehe..

Currently, City News is very exciting..I'm doing more there, can see this ministry is going to get bigger and better. There's lots of changes to come, and I'm very privileged to be part of this whole process and great team. I never ever think that I 'deserve' to be anywhere, but its really due to the chances that people give me, that they will consider me, and that God places me in the right place at the right time kind of thing...1% talent, 99% hard work, 100% God..

Another two weeks, and I'm done with this trimester (sort of, except for the exams), and I can happily enjoy EASTER!! I'm not helping out in the drama this time, due to my exams clashing with the exact week of Easter. :(

Driving is fun~ finished 2 lessons so far, I think I'm so anticipating for the time to get my licence!

All the best to all those who are in SOT! I am so excited for everyone and you're sure going to emerge wiser and stronger! :D

I'm blessed with good friends, and a greater God.

standing on the future frontier, ready to run

I shall not reveal what were the other 'shocks' I had over the rest of this weekend....maybe at a later, more appropriate date? This week ah..really....

Anyway, the weekend drama went well. :) Happy!

Yah, I know that I have to make some difficult choices sooner or later. But I have always been faced with many "crossroads" situations before, and thus far, I have been able to figure my way out.

I always remember something that God spoke to me last time.."When the time comes for you to know what to do, you will know what to do." Which means, when it's time for me to figure out what are the decisions I have to make, I will not know what to do UNTIL that time comes. I don't have to be afraid of not knowing what to do Now for something in the Future.

God's timing is divine and His plan is perfect for each of us.

--

Yeah, I'm really "standing on the future frontier, ready to run".

Actually, it's not that difficult. Once you have your eye on GOD, and you have your head clear on your priorities. For some reason, everything will supernaturally fall into place just nicely.

Cool eh..the way God works..

:)

--

I'm really inspired by Eileen Tan.

I saw her BV-ing for the main service stage this week, and I noticed something different about her. The glory of God was really shining on her...

Shine, Eileen. Your moment is coming. Just let the power flow when you go to KL. Something really amazing is going to happen.

And felt that God says, I've blessed you with so many talents, so that you will let go FULL FORCE when I send you forth, don't hold back or hesitate any more. I will not wait for you to decide when to use your talents, but instead, you decide whether you want to use your talents.

And there's so much more I have planned for you, and indeed you are so mightily blessed, if only you will open your eyes to see, what I have in front of you. The best of the best, because you're my beloved child. And despite what others say about you, despite what you may feel about your life, I am using you to be a vessel for my kingdom.

I love you and you are my reason for being, just as I hope I am the reason you are.


I don't really know Eileen very well, I'm just speaking from my heart right now.

Father in Heaven, bless the whole KL team that's going to go with Pst next weekend, from the singers to the drama team.

Feel like there's Something about to Happen...lets just pray it up..guess it's a pre-Easter 'thing'..


Does Eileen even still read my blog??? o.O; <--random thought

When you thought life could not be more shocking..

This week is just full of 'experiences', so to speak.

Monday: First driving lesson. Went home, chionged overnight until the next morning to get essay done, went to school on Tuesday without sleeping.

Tuesday: Went to school, handed in essay, dozed during class. Went home, chionged overnight until next morning to get presentation and summary done. Somewhere along the night, get asked to help out for drama, and I agree. Slept at 7.30am, aimed to wake up at 10am.

Wednesday: Got woken up by sms at 9.50am (don't you hate it when that happens? getting woken up before your alarm....). Telling me about "hey, I just heard that [insert message about boss resigned, do I think we still have jobs to do or not]". Speculated if its just a rumour, but boss calls me personally an hour later, and confirms it. I get up and go to school, now rendered in a temporal state of joblessness. Did my presentation. Went home, had no mood to do anything, not even to play games on FB.

Thursday (today): Skipped school to regain my sleep. Went for rehearsal. Received phone call in the middle of rehearsal from big vonne, asking me to help do something. Reached home after rehearsal at 2am? Bathed, ate, went online, and cg member talks to me (not usual occurence). Asked how come I wasn't at cg today (I'm excused from cg for drama rehearsal..), and then drops a big shocker on me:

Our cg will be combining with one of MJ's cell groups to eventually multiply, and my cgl will not be leading us anymore. In fact, cgl+wife might even be transferring to be members in another zone altogether. Some of us members might go to youth cell groups. Merger takes place with effect from 1st April.

...does anyone have anything they want to tell me? This week would be a really good week to do so. I still have Friday, Saturday, and Sunday left for you!

the end came unexpectedly. what comes next?

I'm technically jobless now.....


I thought so long about what to write, in the end I can only write that one line.

Despite the fact that I'm tired of repeating the story a lot of times, if you really want to know more, ask me personally. I will not be writing the details in my blog.

Got no mood to do anything now..

;(

blood is indeed thicker than all..

This is a sudden thought that ran through my mind, as I'm reflecting on some things..

'Blood is indeed thicker than all'. What do I mean? No matter how far/close you are in knowing one another, when someone is your family member, you are still connected by your blood ties..

Meaning..because of this blood ties, you accept someone for who they are, whether you know them well or not, whether they've done wrong or offended you in the past..at the end of the day, you are still family...

And to take this further, Jesus died on the cross and connected ALL of us by His blood.

So we are all brothers and sisters by the blood of Christ.

--

Have not been online for past couple of days..Been recovering from bout of illness..too much chionging of my work into the wee hours..too much flu virus going around which I got affected by too..

Alot of pressure and stress cos of deadlines looming around my head like vultures ready to eat me the moment I fall flat..

I'm really trying but its hard.

I believe, if God wants me to go down this path that I am on, then He will give me the strength and the means to overcome! Both for school and for work..

And His protection and provision for my loved ones and myself!

Psa 23:4
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

My first driving lesson is on Monday..I'm excited to finally hit the road.. :)

21st bday summary!

My 21st birthday celebrations were a blast! Really thank God that for the past two years I didn't celebrate, this year combined 3 years in 1 worth of celebration..really happy..

Celebrated with my family+relatives+cell group on 28 Feb (which made alot of people think my twin sis and I were born on 29 Feb or something -_-; Actual is 3 March..). Was really blessed above and beyond what I expected, as my relatives really went the extra mile to get us things we would appreciate.

(Apologies for no pictures at the moment! I will update them on FB/here when I can. I can't find my cable right now..) Edited: Pics are up now!

Twin sis and I were glad to have our awesomest perfect cake. MUAHAHA. >D Watch out for the pic to know the full powahhh. It's not a '21' or a key..it's..

a GIANT CHOCOLATE 'R'!!!!

Also had a movie outing+dinner with some of the choir people..and was surprised and touched they remembered/bothered so much for me. :)

Total Present list for the curious:

-Favourite present: Flowers! :) From my eldest sis.
-Got a bouquet of roses from cell group as well. Whee!


-Bag (from cell group)
-A lot of makeup from various people o.O;
-Topshop vouchers (cousins)
-ang paos
-sheep snowglobe (super duper random. O.O They know I like sheep though. ^^ll from the gang)
-Voice recordable teddy bear with the gang singing bday song to me (HAHAHA!)
-pretty paper notebook (the gang)
-body shop products (various)
-charm bracelet (cousin)
-cross necklace (one encouraging auntie T_T)
-Red and black shirt (the one I really really really wanted~ from choir kakis~ <3) style="font-weight: bold;">Added: Just remembered the gang got me an Apple Strudel, cos I randomly said I had craving for it. XD

YAY I'm very happy and blessed this birthday. Thank you everyone! :)) It makes up for the past two years of not celebrating.

Thank you to my usual gang, sticking with me for years and years. Nearly a decade now!

Thank you to my family, who really put in so much effort for me..

Thanks to all the people who sent me wishes via sms or fb!

Thank you to the choir people, who really make me feel like an important part of this big family..I really LOVE YOU ALL! It's really a family feeling I have in choir.

Aiya don't say anymore le later people cry~

Expectations

Everyone has different expectations of what they think/hope I will/should fulfil for them.

I don't know what every person's exact list of expectations are. I know that sometimes because I'm not psychic, I probably fail to meet people's expectations.

What I know right THIS moment is:

My boss expects me to finish certain work by certain deadlines.

My dad expects me to go to sleep by 2am every day.

My flesh is failing me physically a lot due to chionging work till the sun rises for the past few days. (which may mean my flesh expects me to be kinder to it.)

And...

God loves me.

I love God.

What He has put into my hands, I'm happy to mould and do something GOOD for the glory of Him!

Also..

People have strange expectations of me sometimes. Which I don't Have to meet.

People have strange Assumptions of me. Which may not be true.

People are people, and are going to continue judging, assuming, misinterpreting, making conclusions from misinformation, and saying opinions about me.

Likewise..

I've long given up on thinking so much about what other people think.

I've long given up on trying to figure out what happens next (cos God takes care of my future).

I've long given up my own human will.

And I always remember that when you place God above all, seek first His kingdom, all truly will be added unto you..

I am happy where my ministry is going. I haven't stopped seeking to be better all the time, to do more, and even when I don't really know what is the "more" I want to do, God provides that unexpected opportunities for me at the timely moment.

Indeed..even if noone else sees it, my eye is focused on GOD alone, and that is why I do all that I do (school, career, ministry, etc).

I still want More!

And God really works in mysterious ways. So I shall just continue to allow the mysterious workings of the most Almighty to take place in my life, and wait for the "oooh, so That's why God allowed that to happen to me last time~!" moments. :)

a conversation with Althea

I was talking to Althea on msn right after she read my latest post..

But because of who You are. says:
Dear Jesus, i pray that you will send Rubez "someone" for her to watch the sunrise with! Amen!
[Rubez] stay a while n maybe then u'll see, a different side of me. says:
LOL, tt's the best prayer ever, hahahaha
But because of who You are. says:
hahaah! anyone in mind?
[Rubez] stay a while n maybe then u'll see, a different side of me. says:
there's no use for the gal, its up to the guys to send applications first so i can accept or reject mah
But because of who You are. says:
thats a good one!
But because of who You are. says:
i think its true
But because of who You are. says:
but somehome, i had a chat with my friends in church and we all conclude that the guys inour church (the majority) are waiting for the girls to approach them!
[Rubez] stay a while n maybe then u'll see, a different side of me. says:
wat's wrong wif them?!!!
But because of who You are. says:
i meant somehow!
But because of who You are. says:
haha
But because of who You are. says:
not somehome
But because of who You are. says:
typo
[Rubez] stay a while n maybe then u'll see, a different side of me. says:
i REFUSE to be the first to approach the guys first. wat kind of MAN are u if u can't even do this one little thing to honour a girl?
But because of who You are. says:
haha what i heard from them (my friends) is that the guys fear being rejected by us
But because of who You are. says:
and in church, if u realise, the girls seem more "strong"
But because of who You are. says:
- you get what i mean...
But because of who You are. says:
haha
But because of who You are. says:
but still, like u said, be a MAN!
But because of who You are. says:
haha
But because of who You are. says:
but don't worry, no matter what the circumstances are, God will send that special someone who'll love n honour you to watch sunrise with u, for the rest of yr lives!
But because of who You are. says:
he'll even bring u to diff countries to watch sunrise!
[Rubez] stay a while n maybe then u'll see, a different side of me. says:
hahahaha
[Rubez] stay a while n maybe then u'll see, a different side of me. says:
i noe God will
[Rubez] stay a while n maybe then u'll see, a different side of me. says:
juz waiting for the guy who is MAN enough to
[Rubez] stay a while n maybe then u'll see, a different side of me. says:
the simplest thing in the world tt a girl wants, is for the guy to be MAN enough to honour her, which automatically shows her how special she means, isn't it yah..
But because of who You are. says:
absolutely. :)
But because of who You are. says:
hey, just curious! what sort do u like?
[Rubez] stay a while n maybe then u'll see, a different side of me. says:
huh, u have to help me by being more specific, hehe
But because of who You are. says:
hmm like what do u look for in a guy
But because of who You are. says:
in terms of looks, personality, sprituality, character? haha
[Rubez] stay a while n maybe then u'll see, a different side of me. says:
oh btw can i put our convo on my blog? the MAN enough thing, haha
But because of who You are. says:
sure
[Rubez] stay a while n maybe then u'll see, a different side of me. says:
hmm, lets see..looks: taller than me!
[Rubez] stay a while n maybe then u'll see, a different side of me. says:
minimum average looking (nt ugly). i dun ask for brad pitt lah..presentable..well groomed, can dress well..
But because of who You are. says:
mm okie! personality??
[Rubez] stay a while n maybe then u'll see, a different side of me. says:
patient..generous..kind..sweet
[Rubez] stay a while n maybe then u'll see, a different side of me. says:
enjoy to juz chill...mature..but noe how to haf fun also
[Rubez] stay a while n maybe then u'll see, a different side of me. says:
very helpful..respectful to leaders AND all ppl's parents!
But because of who You are. says:
haha!
But because of who You are. says:
all ppl'sparents
[Rubez] stay a while n maybe then u'll see, a different side of me. says:
yah. i dun wan someone who only is nice to my parents. muz be respecter of all
But because of who You are. says:
wow
[Rubez] stay a while n maybe then u'll see, a different side of me. says:
honouring all lah
[Rubez] stay a while n maybe then u'll see, a different side of me. says:
like if i see justin's mum, i always greet her, see if i can do anything for her
[Rubez] stay a while n maybe then u'll see, a different side of me. says:
i would like a guy who is like me..cos if he can treat normal fren's parents right, he'll treat mine rigth
But because of who You are. says:
true..
[Rubez] stay a while n maybe then u'll see, a different side of me. says:
well tt's juz my criteria i looking for lah..haha..
But because of who You are. says:
any particular minstry he must be in? haha some girls only want cgls, where as somegirls want those in the same miinistry... hahah
But because of who You are. says:
lol i ask like i'm doing a matchmaking! lol...
[Rubez] stay a while n maybe then u'll see, a different side of me. says:
hahaha
[Rubez] stay a while n maybe then u'll see, a different side of me. says:
no particular ministry i want. but he gotta be a leader or high ranking
But because of who You are. says:
thats like what most girls in chc wants! somehow!
But because of who You are. says:
haha
[Rubez] stay a while n maybe then u'll see, a different side of me. says:
aka i want someone who has ambition n drive in his ministry, or if he's mktplace den in his career
[Rubez] stay a while n maybe then u'll see, a different side of me. says:
some guys are content to juz be members in their cg or ministry..i can't haf tt
But because of who You are. says:
absolutely!!
But because of who You are. says:
haha
But because of who You are. says:
that day with my same grp of friends, one said, since chc is 60% female and 40% male, say if u match all the 40% males, there will be 20% females not attached. our church is 23000, meaning 4600 will not get attached (girls)
hahaha!
[Rubez] stay a while n maybe then u'll see, a different side of me. says:
lol
But because of who You are. says:
which turns out to be quite a big number!
But because of who You are. says:
lol
[Rubez] stay a while n maybe then u'll see, a different side of me. says:
there's always new males joining
But because of who You are. says:
but u wldnt want the new males right
[Rubez] stay a while n maybe then u'll see, a different side of me. says:
so the younger ones will haf enuf by tt time
But because of who You are. says:
hahah
[Rubez] stay a while n maybe then u'll see, a different side of me. says:
neverending cycle lah
But because of who You are. says:
lol...
[Rubez] stay a while n maybe then u'll see, a different side of me. says:
who noes, can find chc other countries
But because of who You are. says:
HAHAA..
But because of who You are. says:
india!
[Rubez] stay a while n maybe then u'll see, a different side of me. says:
taiwan can also mah
[Rubez] stay a while n maybe then u'll see, a different side of me. says:
ahaha
[Rubez] stay a while n maybe then u'll see, a different side of me. says:
msia
[Rubez] stay a while n maybe then u'll see, a different side of me. says:
or frm affliate church
But because of who You are. says:
hhaha but long distance relationship leh!
But because of who You are. says:
i mean other countries
[Rubez] stay a while n maybe then u'll see, a different side of me. says:
lol anw not for me
[Rubez] stay a while n maybe then u'll see, a different side of me. says:
same country pls
But because of who You are. says:
haha
But because of who You are. says:
1st love language for u is quality time?
[Rubez] stay a while n maybe then u'll see, a different side of me. says:
nope, acts of service, but quality time is 2nd
But because of who You are. says:
no wonder! haha
[Rubez] stay a while n maybe then u'll see, a different side of me. says:
lol, how come?
[Rubez] stay a while n maybe then u'll see, a different side of me. says:
oh yah. u can't do things for me if u'
[Rubez] stay a while n maybe then u'll see, a different side of me. says:
if u're nt here!
[Rubez] stay a while n maybe then u'll see, a different side of me. says:
hahaha
But because of who You are. says:
cos he must be around to spend time with u ma!
[Rubez] stay a while n maybe then u'll see, a different side of me. says:
hahaha yha

have you found what you're looking for?

Remember Mr BHB, the swiss roll? Joining in on the big wave of people I know that are getting attached..he just got attached! Good, so now I'm safe from him (for the moment, anyway)! I'll unblock him from msn....eventually. >_> Wait till I get attached first (whenever that happens), so that the next time he talks to me, he'll know he'll get hantam by my (future) boyfriend if he isn't careful...

Disclaimer..I know there's a LOT of people that just got attached, but Mr BHB is nobody any of you all know bah..
You want to know more, you ask me personally, I'll tell you~

--

Everyone is all excited about the rainbow. Yah, its a rare occurence, so I don't blame people for being excited. I like rainbows too.

But it made me think, why are we always looking for the rare and hard to find things in life? Yet, we don't spend some time to appreciate what we do have in our every day?

I'm not looking for rainbows (the hard to find). I just want

someone to watch the sunrise with.

Super Tuesday

Enjoyed today muchly!

Firstly, finally watched Slumdog Millionaire with a bunch of old friends. It's GOOD! Please watch if you haven't! :D I rate it at least 8/10.

Went for choir pract after that..fun night today..haha..

Hmm, there's pract next week eh. Guess I'll just satisfy a simple craving on next Tuesday -- feel like eating ice cream. Maybe a McFlurry. =X Hahaha. I'm a simple to please person really.

I'm glad that drama still thinks of me to ask me to help out for this week..but I can't for this week especially..

ASK and you shall RECEIVE indeed! When you pray, things happen. I prayed for some stuff regarding my work last night, and got what I needed today. Miraculous. o.O Thank You God, I'm very happy!! Though I need to work very hard this week to clear all my schoolwork and work stuff.

God is good. :))

--

Received open invitation from theatre friends to audition or help out in an outside theatre production (ie if any of you are interested, I can pass you the info)..Guess its not a paid one, more like for fun/passion, as most ad hoc theatre productions are..Truthfully, I'm tempted to audition. I have not acted for a very very long time..its something I enjoy doing, but could not do for few years now..However, am wondering, is this an Opportunity or a Distraction from my life's direction?

If I want to try, I need to arrange for an audition next week already..

Just thinking aloud...but your opinions are always welcome.. :) Sometimes we need another person to help us see from another perspective, as even what may be obvious we may not realise it ourselves..

The Necklace

A story that was forwarded to my email:

The cheerful little girl with bouncy golden curls was almost five. Waiting with her mother at the checkout stand, she saw them, a circle of glistening white pearls in a pink foil box.

'Oh mommy please, Mommy. Can I have them? Please, Mommy, please?

Quickly the mother checked the back of the little foil box and then looked back into the pleading blue eyes of her little girl's upturned face.

'A dollar ninety-five. That's almost $2.00. If you really want them, I'll think of some extra chores for you and in no time you can save enough money to buy them for yourself. Your birthday's only a week away and you might get another crisp dollar bill from Grandma.'

As soon as Jenny got home, she emptied her penny bank and counted out 17 pennies. After dinner, she did more than her share of chores and she went to the neighbor and asked Mrs. McJames if she could pick dandelions for ten cents. On her birthday, Grandma did give her another new dollar bill and at last she had enough money to buy the necklace.

Jenny loved her pearls. They made her feel dressed up and grown up. She wore them everywhere, Sunday school, kindergarten, even to bed. The only time she took them off was when she went swimming or had a bubble bath. Mother said if they got wet, they might turn her neck green.

Jenny had a very loving daddy and every night when she was ready for bed, he would stop whatever he was doing and come upstairs to read her a story. One night as he finished the story, he asked Jenny, 'Do you love me?'

'Oh yes, daddy. You know that I love you.'

'Then give me your pearls.'

'Oh, daddy, not my pearls. But you can have Princess, the white horse from my collection, the one with the pink tail. Remember, daddy? The one you gave me. She's my very favorite.'

'That's okay, Honey, daddy loves you. Good night.' And he brushed her cheek with a kiss.

About a week later, after the story time, Jenny's daddy asked again, 'Do you love me?'

'Daddy, you know I love you.'

'Then give me your pearls.'

'Oh Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have my baby doll. The brand new one I got for my birthday. She is beautiful and you can have the yellow blanket that matches her sleeper.'

'That's okay. Sleep well. God bless you, little one. Daddy loves you.'

And as always, he brushed her cheek with a gentle kiss.

A few nights later when her daddy came in, Jenny was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed Indian style.

As he came close, he noticed her chin was trembling and one silent tear rolled down her cheek.
'What is it, Jenny? What's the matter?'

Jenny didn't say anything but lifted her little hand up to her daddy. And when she opened it, there was her little pearl necklace. With a little quiver, she finally said, 'Here, daddy; this is for you.'

With tears gathering in his own eyes, Jenny's daddy reached out with one hand to take the dime store necklace, and with the other hand he reached into his pocket and pulled out a blue velvet case with a strand of genuine pearls and gave them to Jenny.

He had them all the time. He was just waiting for her to give up the dime-store stuff so he could give her the genuine treasure. So it is, with our Heavenly Father. He is waiting for us to give up the cheap things in our lives so that he can give us beautiful treasures.

God will never take away something without giving you something better in its place.

--

Just felt like reproducing that story on my blog, cos I just literally got it in my inbox.

dialect drama article on citynews

The dialect drama article on city news is up! Go check citynews for it.

Calling - the little add up to prepare you for the bigger

Chasing a dream is always tough.

The difference when you have a Calling, is that you have God's backing.

So sometimes, I also do struggle thinking, am I doing this only because I personally want to? Is this actually in line with what God wants me to do in my life?

It becomes especially hard when you have challenges. You start to think, "God, if its so tough, can this possibly be a 'sign' that I should stop? Did I misunderstand what I'm called to do?"

Some of us will have difficulty figuring out what is the calling God has for us. For those of us who do know, we can fight all the way for it, resting assured on God's promises. But for the rest of us who are still figuring it out, or have some inkling but aren't quite sure yet, there tends to be doubt. So, it really boils down to a few things.

Prayer and constant listening to the Holy Spirit. It's difficult to be guided when you're not making yourself available. When you're close to Him, sometimes you'll just catch those 'gut feelings' or gentle promptings in the spirit of doing certain things..

And when you've got the 'feeling'..its time for determination and discipline. When the going gets tough..you've got to be ready to ride out the storms..the closer you step towards achieving your calling/dream/vision, the more attacks you'll face.

And most of all, its Trust, Faith, and Obedience..you've got the 'feeling' in you, you really really think so, but what's stopping you? Most of the time, its actually just Fear. We are afraid of getting out of our comfort zone, afraid of failure. We're afraid that this 'wasn't what I'm meant to do', and that we'd try it and fail terribly.

Personally, my train of thought is that its better to try, and have a chance of success (and fulfilling what you're supposed to be doing), then to Not Try due to our own fears, and possibly disobeying God..

Alot of times, we can't see how what 'this' thing we're doing will ultimately lead to our destiny. I've long ago learnt that we can never see the bigger picture until we take the steps forward, then a year later, it suddenly dawns on you, all this time God has been training you for a Certain moment.

Now, my choir and drama ministries are so infused together as ONE..who would have thought? :) I wasn't always sure of what would happen, I just knew and felt I wanted to join another ministry then, felt the peace in my heart, and overcame my own fears and hesitation to go for choir audition. Then I unexpectedly can encourage the choir members when they acted Christmas drama, and unexpectedly can use my drama experience to help choir. Likewise, another long story of 'unexpecteds' before joining drama. All of my little Moments have added up and prepared me for greater Moments, and those greater moments will keep building up (like the layer of sand around a pearl) to prepare me for receiving the call to the BIGGER moment..

And for my ultimate career dream..I'm still not able to see where all this is leading to, but truthfully, I wouldn't have joined citynews if not for my prior writing exposure (if I had not been comfortable as a writer prior to it). I don't know where citynews may bring me in future, or my current writing job, but I'm doing it in obedience.

When you can't see what's the ultimate plan, you just take the small steps, do the small little mini plans that are given to you. When you're faithful in the little, then God can trust you with the bigger..

Time to...Hit the road!

The Year of the Ox should be renamed the Year of the Char-grilled, barbequed beef patty...X_X weather sooooo hot..

Anyway..I PASSED MY FINAL THEORY TEST!! Finally. >.<

I'm curious how to use twitter. Can someone explain to me in simple non-tech words how to use?? Need connect to internet ah? But actually, what's the point..Isn't it the same as fb....@_@

Got a sizeable to-do list..ploughing through the mountain of work..

I still want to watch Slumdog Millionaire though...

ADDED: I just added Twitter. Add me? :D I'm still trying to figure it out..

Munchkin kitty!

The cutest kitty ever!



♥!

Er, I'm supposed to be studying or doing something more useful..*coughs*

--

My want list...aka to buy sooner or later this year..next few months or after clearing this arise and build..

-havianas (gold, silver, or black)
-bag from Charles and Keith (or something like it)
-accessories from that 4th floor shop in Heeren (is it called Cactus & Pine, or is that next door??). Eyeing the leopard print lighter necklace, laptop necklace, chunky bracelets..etc.

I forgot what else..

This post totally ran off from its original intention..

Greater is He who's in me

Great is our God and worthy to be praised...

Even though its a storm now, but believe I can get through. Faith!!

Beginning to figure out what I need to do..

And God does answer prayers.

Thank God for the best friends He placed in my life, to advise or encourage me..

Thank You for a good ministry too (meaning all).

Phil 3:14
I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

and Phil 4:13
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

I am looking forward to CONQUERING this 2009 with God leading my way. Many things to come.."greater things have yet to come"..

random bday wishlist

THANK YOU GOD for Your protection, always.

I believe in the power of prayer.

Sometimes, I may not be able to understand what God is doing in my life. Why some things happen, or some things don't happen..

But, in the end, its always cos of His divine plan.

I'll never be able to understand fully, but I'm going to learn to trust Him more..!

Especially when I pray for certain things, and things start to happen, I must be more accepting of it..

Open heart needs open mind. And even bigger open ears to hear HS.

--

Still waiting for the day I can do this.. :(

I wonder if I ask for this as my birthday present from my parents, will they let me..?

Or they might just throw me in the swimming pool..

Yes, I can do it after turning 21 without asking them, but its not very nice..God, tell me how? Want to maintain Your commandment of honouring parents, but at the same time want to go for it..

(pray somemore is the only thing I can do..)

--

I guess I should be coming out with some bday wishlist..

I know everyone is giving into building fund..so I don't really expect presents, if its hard..

I'm (in)famous for asking people to give me socks for the past 5 years (I need it and it helps you save money what....)

People have since -_- at me and refuse to humour me anymore....and I already got enough sock supply..

So, I'm attempting to be more normal this time, since it's 21st bday and all..Here's some stuff I randomly want..

*ahem* RANDOM WISHLIST LOL!

1) Accesories (key words: unique, funky, unusual, bold, cool, big)
This includes things like Watches, hats, bracelets/bangles, chokers, belts, caps, etc..

The more the merrier!

2) Fragrances (key words: floral, sweet, refreshing)
Ok, actually fragrances are very random, but I don't know what else to put in this 'wishlist'..

I like Adidas floral dream..so anything along that line..But..what I really want is Salvatore Ferragamo for Women..but so ex....

I don't mind tester, I can put into my own mini bottle! :D

3) Clothes
Vouchers also can. Haha.

Don't mind jeans, or any clothes you think suits me..you all should know what I like/look good in..includes shoes (all types) and jackets. I'm a jacket/hoodie freak!

4) Bags (key words: durable, classic/easy to match?, practical, pretty)
It's really hard to shop for me, if you look at my list so far...

5) $$$
Hahahaha. Who doesn't want? Anyone want to give love offering? =X

And here's my how-I-wish list...

6) DSi (I don't have a PSP or DS at all. The DSi is the newest version, but yet to reach sg.)
7) Netbook/mini laptop
8) Books, CDs (have a lot that I want..)
9) MP3 player (to replace the one that kena stolen....:( )
10) Blackberry or windows mobile enabled phone
11) CAR!!!
12) Concert tickets (to Jason Mraz, Coldplay..)

..ok, this list is very lame and random. And probably not very helpful. ^^;;

Actually, I just want to be going out with a bunch of good friends on my bday. :) Because that day don't have choir pract right?? Dinner dinner dinner~? Currently have no plans.. >.<;;

My love language is Acts of Service!! Show your care creatively, ok? :D

--

GST offset package, whoots! Gahmen giving me bday present..HAHA....

Happy Valentine's Day

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" is indeed true, as are all the other cliches, especially during Valentine's Day.

Anyway, I only successfully went for 4/5 prayer meetings this week..bah..missed by one!

Two months time, I shall get it all~

Been reflecting on some stuff, thinking of my plans for the rest of this year and maybe all the way to early next year..

On the more immediate end, I have to start taking some action..I think and I think (and I think somemore), but I'm not really going anywhere. Have to start moving my feet (and hands) for those things already..A bit frustrating, but no choice. Got to do what you've got to do, when its time to..

Ending = New beginnings..

The CNY dialect drama was a success!! Thanks EVERYONE for your hard work! But my work is not over yet, still need to do Citynews write up for it..

Want to thank everyone who added love units to my love bank, when it was obvious how 'bankrupt' I was..loves to all..

Body ached today (Monday), in the end I had to go to riverwalk for evening PM..but its SO crowded..think I'll be making sure I go to HoG for next few days, see whether its better..

--

I miss the english drama team, but I've already decided since last year, that I don't want to be 'mobilised' until after Easter 2009 at least.. =)

--

School school school school school..........

Please poke me on msn to do my assignments..literally every week I have something due..

=X

--

Am currently attempting to keep awake and go for morning PM straight, then school, then to choir pract..

Will I make it?! Is this crazy? Siao liao..

But I'm not the only one staying up apparently! Haha..at least got someone to chat to so won't be so boring..

It's already 3am now..*goes do stuff and continues post later*

--

Now that one major event has concluded, along with January..what's in store for the rest of the year?

An Ending means New Beginnings..but what kind of new beginnings are coming?

So fast, one and half months is finished!

EEKS I forgot I have to study for my final theory..2nd attempt..-_- its on Feb 20..

--

The person who was staying up too, gave up.. :( (want to put disclaimer first, I did not ask her to stay up, she happened to find me on msn first, and tell me she decided to stay up)

She started giving lots of those excuses to justify herself for not going for morning PM..too tiring to pray early in the morning, don't like having so many people around when praying, so crowded..etc..

What I feel, it's only 'Want' or 'Don't Want' with God.

I thank God though, that she trusts me enough to share some of her personal life with me..being open to me..I'm given a privilege as a friend, when people share with me..

If you're reading my blog, I Love YOU ok gal..I'm praying for you..thank you for giving me access to your life.. :)

Jiayou ok..I believe in you, and God is with you..believe you know but is just feeling a bit confused over what to do now bah..

Anytime I'm here, just to lend you the listening ear you need bah.. :)

--

It reminded me of something..I seriously don't like 'ai mai ai mai' (undecided, fickle, one minute yes another minute no) type of guys. My future husband must be decisive (but not to the point of dominant; got to be considerate to my opinions too of course), and keep to his word. As in, don't everything also 'anything' or 'up to you' or 'I don't know', and definitely don't promise something, but never deliver..

Btw, I DID manage to stay up after all..about 4.30am now..muahaha..=D Call me crazy, but I'm too ONzzzzz for morning PM tomorrow/later, don't know why..I'm not so overly religious ok, I guiltily overslept on Monday morning and went to evening PM, remember..hmm....

I think, I'm so gonna get my coffee when I go to school...^^