Rounding off 2008

I actually wrote a very long post, then........

I accidentally pulled out the wire for the laptop.

No draft saved.

T________________________T

Anyway! Moving on..let's have a quick summary of what I actually wanted to write..

Thanking God for 2008!

I thank God for my family. Though they may not always support me, and sometimes persecute, scold, threaten, etc., cos of me being the only Christian..I still love them, and thank God for protection. The devil loves to attack them when he can't attack me directly..

I thank God for my friends. Each person really is a wonderful colour in my life. Thank you for being a part of my 2008! :)

I thank God for my ministries. I'm blessed to enjoy Drama, and being encouraged when I'm inside. Also now I get to enjoy Choir, and its another amazing area.

I thank God for SOT! Is there anything I can say about it that I haven't said before? Life-changing and its a moulding process inside..incredible!

I thank God I can enjoy City News, experience Parade of Nations, etc..when "once in a lifetime" knocks at your door, you better open and receive it! Too many regrets from not trying, now this year, I'm glad to have tried and enjoyed! Seize the golden opportunity while its there!!

I thank God for preservation of my whole self. No one actually knows my whole situation, and I don't really share much..I don't have anything to 'hide', its finding the right person/people tcan be very difficult..Sometimes, God knows is enough. And He will send me the right people in my life to give me timely advice when I need at crucial times.

Thank You God, You gave me so many opportunities this year. Two years ago, I've been holding on to the promise that 2008 was my year..and indeed, it's been an extreme ride...lots of challenges, lots of breakthroughs, lots of hard work..and again and again, Your grace is sufficient for me..

Oh yes, thank God for job and school that comes at the right timing, and can fit my very strange schedule! Lots more to thank God for, but...think I need to write a book, if I keep going on and on...

So, here's to a Wonderful year in 2008 that God gave me! And now, let's get ready for a SUPERB 2009 with God!

I already started feeling the tingles in my tummy and my toes, about some of the paths to venture forth on concerning my new direction for 2009..been stirring in me~ whoots!

Only Time and God will tell, yah? :)

2009, are you ready?!

Happy 21st Birthday Candice!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CANDICE!

To someone who has been there for me throughout all these years, been ever so patient, a true representation of sisterly love to another, a great friend..when I don't know what to do, you just listen, when I need encouragement, you're always ready to tell me 'jiayou'!

I can't even begin saying how much I love CANDICE!!! <33

I thank God that He placed YOU in my life, and I'm glad to be your good friend too! :)

I pray that you get to fulfill God's calling in your life even more, and that as you sacrifice to seek His face more and more, you will not lose out, but instead, have all abundance added unto you.

Even as you try to figure your direction out more clearly, to find out what to do, what you need to have/not have, I hope you are greatly blessed with clarity and wisdom in mind.

And I'm going out of the house to meet you in a few hours time. ;)

Talk and Thoughts

I may talk a lot, but I don't talk a lot, if you get my meaning.

Christmas 2008

If you're looking for Christmas photos....

I don't have any. ^^;; Was too busy backstage to take any (except for ONE with Weishan aka "dong bian!" king, cos he took with every person).

Christmas Drama was alright, now I finally had today to catch up on one month of no sleep.

Now my figure is "dee-e-li-i-ciouss!" (or I wish, haha) after losing tons of weight again..seriously, my jeans became hipsters and then even lower than that..

I have souvenirs from Christmas..they're called bumps, bruises, cuts, and a whack on my head from a metal pole..X_X I even burnt my thumb during a rehearsal (melting the candle to stick it to the stand, and the flame suddenly got blown back by the aircon...)

Still, I felt really loved on Christmas! :) At least some people remembered me enough to give me smses, little chocs or even pressies! Its really the little things that help boost me through. Besides lots of prayer of course.

After the last service, reached home and KO till late today..

Must catch up on life's other responsibilities now..

One thing I ask

I am back online after 4 days without internet..but only for a short while, have to leave the house in a little while...

It is very difficult....

I'm flying both JW and Expo shows...every night, every day, rehearsal...

The fight for me doesn't end after Christmas..

Attack comes from everywhere (as with every production)...

It hurts.......it hurts more than anyone will ever understand, in more ways than anyone could understand...

Only God remains my strength.....

Because its really really tough.

It hurts everywhere, and I still have to battle another round after Christmas..

Glorious Redeemer.

More of You, oh Lord
More of You, in my life, Holy Spirit

God, I prayed, and I prayed, and I prayed..preserve me.

Even when people are determined to whack me down, even when the devil hates my guts so much he wants to whack me everywhere, inside and out..

PRESERVE ME!

Its like having knives through my back, front, and heart.

PRESERVE ME FATHER.

No weapon formed against me shall prosper.

The faithful and the just will see the reward..

Preserve me, Lord.

By Your blood, by Your word, by Your love for us all.

Merry Christmas to all in advance. Don't forget the reason for the season, as you celebrate.

John 3:16.

You're always there.

At 2am+, I didn't have any peace in my heart..

Decided, very suddenly, to do something I've never done before...

I went up to my rooftop, laid down on my back (on the 'platform' thing, if you've ever been to my house), and looked up at the moon and stars..

The air was super cold..breezy..

As I looked up at the sky, I marvelled at God's creation.

I decided to start listening to a worship song, 'dalam kasihmu bapa', from my hp.

When it started playing, all of a sudden, I thought of my Kota Kinabalu mission trip, and the wind started suddenly blowing like incredibly super strong, felt like I was going to be blown off the roof..I was crying as I was reminded of KK, and these words kept repeating in my mind.."You're always there...You're always there..You're always there.."

"I'm always there."

God, You are too incredible for me to comprehend. I love You. Your ways are higher than my ways. I'm just in awe.

Unto God be the glory of all that I do.

--

..on a side note, may be the first and last time I do something like that. I accidentally kicked my foot on something when I was coming down from the 'platform'. Painnnn.

Random thoughts before I leave the house

When you give your best to God, He'll never shortchange you..

A lot of people think I'm foolish. A lot I've given up in order to follow the 'call' when it comes.

This whole month, of course, my heart (and wallet) has been very pained..

And everything will be worth it in the end. No stronger assurance than what God gives to you.

--

I'll never know for sure what God plans for me. I don't really 'ask' about it though. Just trust. And 'go with the HS flow', is what I always say.

--

The packet of tapioca chips is staring at me..I can't eat it till after production cos we all know what happens when I eat junk food during this time.....

--

Off to expo (after doing some more props shopping) later..not for rehearsal, but to check out our sets..a tingly excited feeling, whoo hoo~

--

"What's the point? The same thing always happens every year. You tell me the same thing, you do the same thing, year after year. And still the same thing always. Why don't you just [.....]"

I refuse to agree with her suggestion. Because my conviction is stronger than that.

Or maybe I'm just a stubborn cow.

*bo hue*

Mooooooo?

Bolt - must watch!

Cute little meh meh at Plaza Sing!

Anyway, as promised, my update about yesterday..Watched "Bolt" yesterday at the Cathay, it was GREAT! I wouldn't mind watching it twice or even thrice. A really feel-good show. And Rhino the Hamster! Ahh! So CUTE!!!! "Bolt" is going onto my list of 'all time favourite movies'.

The best part was..the cinema was so empty! There were only a few rows from the back filled up, with no one sitting in front of us, or even in our same row! And we bought the tickets late! Haha! It was like having our own private theatre. So cool~

And then I played DDR after more than a year(?) of ever touching that machine. And I played JUBEAT! That weird new cube game. It's kind of addictive.

A good day it was!

--

Today, couldn't get out of bed..I woke up around 11am+ and saw a lot(!) of messages on my phone..all from different people from everywhere, asking me different things..ranging from Kuan asking me to go ___ to source for props, to Candice, to other drama people, to other choir people...and even SY (sec school friend)..

Even whilst replying messages, more messages from other people came in..wonder why I'm so 'popular' today..hahaha..^^ll

I think the best one was from SY: "I'm downstairs your house drinking coffee now! ^_^"

o.O;

In the end she called me and we went out..forced me out of bed lol..if not think my props errand will er.....

Walked around Bugis Street, saw lots of things I want..haha..not the right time for me to spend money on myself..

And..the cute penguin soft toy at 'Gift a Name' in Bugis Junction is still on sale! I want! So cute..anyone want to buy for me for Christmas? :D

All I want for Christmas..

Heard from Joy's blog first..

All I Want for Christmas Is You - Olivia Olson

10 days to Christmas, and even less days than that till show day..

Yes, we can!

Shall blog about my day in another post tomorrow..lazy now..

I don't want a lot for Christmas..

:)

Finally.

Even if you don't like Britney Spears, just watch her LIVE performance of "Womanizer" at Star Academy 2008 for at least one minute. Click 'watch in high quality' and turn up your sound! I am SUPER impressed by her entrance. Love the set design! And I love her dress too. I've always wanted a flare skirt like that, but can't find in sg...

EDIT: Changed the link, wrong link sorry!!

--

Anyway, main topic for this post: Finally, I'm on the way to financial freedom!!!!!! FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY I managed to convince my parents to let me make a new account today. After 2 years of being NETS-less and no access to bank! Although, for the next couple of months, I still need to go through the 'old system' through my parents as I need to settle things with my old account, such as my next few pay, since its already credited in company's system to go there..and all my savings is still counted as 'stagnant' since they're going to stay in my old account..

BUT it's a first step! Fresh start! I can actually live like a normal person now (or soon anyway, as soon as I settle the payment problems)! No more cash-only basis. I fought the financial fight for 2 years, this walk that I am on. Persecutions comes with financial cut-off, etc. All that borrowing money just to eat sometimes, skipping meals, especially during SOT period, cos every cent of my pay goes to school fees, and even then had to borrow first still. Then the day RIGHT after I repaid all my debts, my stuff and wallet was stolen and I was flat broke. Had to borrow again, back in debt.

Thank You God, for preserving me throughout all these years. Everytime I cried out, but You provided for me. Even when I enrolled in SOT by faith, with no idea how to pay school fees, even had to borrow the $50 first to pay for admin fee. Your miracles kept shining through and through. Even from the very beginning, before all this 'tai zi' (trouble), that period of time when my allowance was already being cut, and I had to walk to MJ's house for cg every week so I could save money from bus fare..

God, You are seriously good to me. I want to cry when I think of how good You've always been.

You never let me down.

Finally, the fight is coming to an end.

This Christmas Eve, I turn 3 years old in Christ. 3 years ago, in 2005, I was touched by the drama on Christmas Eve. This year, I have this honourable privilege to stand on the other side of the stage now, and help out in a drama that will touch thousands like me before.

I also want to thank every person who has been supporting me throughout this time, whether as a shoulder or financially blessing me, you guys are awesome. My cg, leaders, ministries, friends, everyone..

I am Loved, and I am Recession-proof!!!

Not ashamed

"I am not ashamed...to fight for what I believe in.

I am not ashamed...to die for the ones I love.
I am not ashamed...to protect those who love me.
I am not ashamed...to leave you behind.
Because, beloved,
I love you."

Even in the midst of all this dark moments, as 'si fu's' grandmother passed on this morning, and all the deaths from this month alone..

I was reminded of God's grace...

I haven't drawn for a very long time. But I suddenly felt like taking out my sketchbook, for today..

A bit 'sangid' (lopsided), cos it was drawn on my bed. I might be redoing this nicer. Just sketched something up in less than an hour.

To be redone for Christmas?

Remembering the GOD factor in all that I do..

-

It has been a really frustrating week.

Btw, I passed my basic theory.



In the back of a car on a road in the dark,
In the stillicide, silently falling snow,
I have packed everything that I own in a bag,
And I'm driving, I'm driving to Idaho,
A poem for leaving, a reason to go,
So I'm driving, I'm driving to Idaho.

'Cause I can't be anyone but me, anyone but me,
And I can't keep dreaming that I'm free, dreaming that I'm free,
I don't want to fall asleep and watch my life from fifty feet,
My hands are on the wheel so I'm driving to Idaho,
'Cause I hear it's mighty pretty...

And oh, I've been dumb, I've been perfectly beautiful,
Lain on my back buying lovers with stealth,
But I'm sick of you all, and I'm sick of opinions,
And I'm sick of this war I wage on myself...
I don't know why I'm so gripped to go there
A universe riddle that only I know?
Mr. Robert he says, "It's all in the head!"
Tell me, Phaedrus, what's good, is it Idaho?

'Cause I can't be anyone but me, anyone but me,
And I can't keep dreaming that I'm free, dreaming that I'm free,
I don't want to fall asleep and watch my life from fifty feet,
My hands are on the wheel so I'm driving to Idaho,
'Cause I hear it's mighty pretty...
In Idaho.

Loving God, loving others

Last night (or early this very morning) before I went to sleep, I was asking God, Why do our spiritual lives seem to be so low, even though its not cos we love You less? I was given a very interesting revelation.

Imagine the capacity in your heart is like a piechart, with 100%. Rightfully, our love for God should be 100%. But oftentimes, its 90% God and 10% something else, or 50-50, or even 10-90. Now, I'm not saying it's Wrong to love another person or other things, but when those things begin to take up the space that belongs to God, then its time to re-check your priorities.

How then, can we love God and love others, without compromising on one or the other?

Simple, let the love for God be SO OVERFLOWING, that it is more than 100%, and this overflow is what we should use to love others. We don't love another by cutting back on the love for God, but rather, we use the love for God and FROM that love we are then capable of TRULY loving someone with the Christ-like love.

When you see it from this point of view, it becomes so much easier, because the love for others stems from the love for God, just like how it should be.

Hope that made sense. :)