99 Balloons

In the midst of my final essay..

In the midst of chugging through my final essay for school, I can't help but wander onto youtube for music (and got a bit distracted, oops).

I suddenly remembered the reasons why I love music..

Singers/Musicians from the pre-24hr MTV era in Singapore that I love, people like Lene Marlin, Kylie Minogue, A1, even Aqua..haha..

Not that I don't like the music era now, but there's something with each era that's different that I love..now there's a lot of emphasis on good music videos, beats and dance-y type of music is back, the electronic edge..image is even more important than ever, dancing, stage..etc..

What can I say..I'm not trained in any way, but I just LOVE MUSIC LAHHHHHHHHHH.

And I miss those days where it used to be fun..

I hope to put the fun back in the next time I sing.. :) (not that it hasn't been lah)

There's no point, in doing anything, when it starts being a burden rather than a passion.

When I listen back and think back on such, I remember something..

You should just go ahead and do what you like, what you want, and don't chase after fame or such..When you do what comes naturally, naturally the other stuff will come to you..

"Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and all else shall be added unto you" ya..

I don't know any musical instruments, never went for any lessons (choir in church is not exactly counted)..

I just want to have fun..:) (and of course do well in it and all the other righteous politically-correct stuff la)

I miss backstage too, will treasure my last official time in drama this december before my semi-retirement..

SICK

YAH I'm sick.

I've got my hospital appointment fixed up, waiting for it.

--

Stay tuned. I'm in planning of a lot of things I want to do.

I only have one life to live, so I might as well..

--

Will be doing backstage crew for Christmas Production again, and this may well be my last year of doing so...

Let's see where the wind blows..a nice breeze yah, not a typhoon...

--

3 more weeks of school left.

Michael Bublé - "Haven't Met You Yet"

Michael Bublé is so awesome! :)

"Haven't Met You Yet" music video:



♥

Change.

I actually wrote the following Very Long blog post on 30th March 2009, 3:17am (so says the blogger saved time of the post). I never published it. I forgot why exactly.

Logging in to blog again, I suddenly realised it was there. Nearly 7 months later, here it is, totally unedited and in its true raw form as of 30th March 2009. I realised it applies to my circumstances once again, and its bound to happen again and again.

Might as well share..

--

I believe for something more. That I am being prepared for something greater.

Otherwise, I wouldn't have to go through such 'testing'.

I just thought of this today, the reason why some people backslide, is that they are so used to being where they are, comfortable with being the same and staying there, unwilling to change their comfort zone outside of what they can control.

The minute something big or challenging comes, they don't want to face it. They will rather run, or avoid it. Or they say "I'm not ready to deal with this at the moment!"

The truth is, no matter where you are, you can't avoid it. And you will never have a 'ready' time.

What do I mean? You can change your cell group, zone, church, country, even whole RELIGION, but it is never about WHERE you are. It is really about YOU. The same thing will arise again, not because of other people or the circumstances, but because it is something that lies within your ownself.

You have to realise it will NEVER be gone until you face up to the issue at hand. Maybe its pressure from leaders to rise up? Maybe its to give up some of your free time to do more in ministry? Maybe its to give more of your finances to building fund/offering/something that God has called you to? Maybe its to rebalance your ministry and family time?

Let me say it again; you can change your environment, but you can't change the issue. Get it?

--

Remembering how my walk with God just a while back (just a few months ago) was akin to me standing on the edge of a cliff. Behind me was my old life, everything I knew and was comfortable with. In front of me was the valley, so deep that I couldn't see the bottom, and definitely knew it was dangerous. That was my future, with all my dreams and visions.

This was the choice I was presented with: whichever path I chose, there is No Turning Back from that choice. If I go back to what I was comfortable with, I will never see that future come to pass ever again. If I go forward to achieve my dreams and visions, it is literally Succeed or Get Destroyed Trying.

The dreams and visions God has prepared for me are beyond what I can imagine, and I know that I cannot remain the same. This life I have, if I am not living to fulfil His purpose, then what is the point?

I jumped right forward with faith that God would provide, and have already experienced so much, sometimes it makes me want to crawl into a corner and just not move. The parts that determine to wear me down until I am destroyed and don't achieve my dreams are aplenty. There is no time to breathe before thing after thing is shoved at me. I know that all of these play a part in my long-term success, but the pain is real, especially with the unexpected (or even expected) side effects and by-products. The good, the bad, the ugly, and the totally random, everything is suddenly a whirlwind to me more so now than it has ever been before this 'chapter'.

I'm not ready to give up yet, because I know the moment I give up, its really Game Over.

There is no 'save' button for this. No 'pause' button, and no 'escape' button.

But! There is the 'F1' button!

What comes forth out of adversity

Something quoted from my bro's many FB quotes:

"Yanase became inspired by the idea of Anpanman while struggling to survive as a soldier in World War II. He many times became faced with the prospect of starvation which made him dream about eating a bean-jam filled pastry called Anpan."

Anpanman is a super popular classic cartoon or anime in Japan, made 'back in those days' post World War II. Imagine, out of the worst adversity, is when the type of genious and breakthroughs you can't get from any other place come forth.

I guess, it is really only when you are put in certain situations, is when you will really think about some things, and bring you to another level. Which you couldn't have done if you'd been in the same comfortable place all the time.

I mean, if there wasn't a need for light, Thomas Edison wouldn't have felt like creating the lightbulb now, isn't it? (other than his sheer love for invention..) If there wasn't sun/rain, who would have invented the umbrella?

Alot of the time, there is a circumstance of need or lack, before something great can come forth to fulfil that void.

--

I did my assignment until I saw the sunrise.

going home.

Been bombarded with bad news day after day..

I can't concentrate on my school work or my driving properly at the moment..

I've got deadlines, tests coming up..

What to do?

I know I need to pull myself together, but I'm really squashed flat by the weight of things..and the people around me are affected to various degrees..

I'm supposed to be Strong..and draw more strength from God..

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

Cabbing is really expensive.

---

I didn't make it through for this round of JAMS BV (back up vocalist) auditions. Till next time..